Monday, February 9, 2009

Hearing Myself

Long ago I got tired of finding random notes scattered in drawers or tucked in books here and there through out the house – you know – thank you notes, birthday cards, notes from kids, notes from Mike to me or me to Mike, etc. So, I designated a special little box for my notes and a special little box for Mike's notes. My box is actually a nice little Tupperware, but then there wasn't another of those handy, so Mike's are in a Hillard and Hansen shoe box. I don't even know who or what that brand is, or whether it would have been a box of male or female shoes, but neither does Mike, and I don't know that he even realizes how nicely I have saved his scattered notes and carefully preserved them in that shoe box anyway – even if it has been in his nightstand drawer for some time now. Still, Mike does place a fair amount of sentimental value on things and would never intentionally throw a nice card or note away so I assume it would make him happy, were he to pause and open that shoe box, to realize I have done this. . . . Though, truthfully, he was probably fine with them scattered through out the house (just so long as they weren't in a garbage) . . . which is why, I guess, it is only fair that I get the Tupperware and he only gets the shoe box.

The point of all this was to say, that as I was unpacking the other day and came upon these note filled boxes, I began going through them because a note is such a happy thing (as I mentioned in this post about notes last year). As I read over some of the notes I'd written to Mike, I noticed something. What I noticed was this: I could hear me in those notes. No no, not me talking like on the movies when someone is reading a letter and suddenly you hear the sender's voice. I just mean, I could hear my writing voice. You know the one. The one you can hear RIGHT NOW! It was me, the writing me, right there in every one of those notes. And, to be honest, it tired me a little. Must I always sound – well, how I sound? You know that you know what I am talking about. The voice that I have cursed for being so hard to punctuate correctly. That same voice that is present in my emails or blog posts or any other thing I write. And that is fine, but when something is . . . how can I explain this. . . when something is so certainly a certain way each and every time, it can get old. If you like that way, fine, but what if it isn't really your style or you simply feel like something different that day? Then perhaps that voice can become maddening or even worse – annoying. Maybe once in awhile I'd like to type up something with a different voice. A voice that could be anyone in the world. A voice that wouldn't rub you wrong if you were tired of that same old voice. I used to worry the same thing when I taught Relief Society. What if sometimes you didn't want a distinct style. What if you just wanted good basic – something.

Anywho, maybe I'll try writing a few posts with different voices. I could even name them – I'll be like “A post about moving written in Beverly's voice” or “A post about life with five kids in Fernando's voice” – but who knows if that would even work. Even me writing that sounds to me like the voice I was talking about. Plus, you might just all start to think I have multiple personalities and that might even be more disturbing than hearing ME and exactly me each and every time I write. Oh don't get me wrong. I like me just fine and I'm sure you all do to, but do you know what I mean? Sometimes I don't want to be so predictable or even so pinned to one way of sounding. I want to be a little more versatile.

Still, I have written Mike some pretty good notes (and one day, when I am dead, and he finds them there in that shoe box, he will miss me all the more) and hearing my writing voice loud and clear was NOTHING as disturbing as when I was young and first heard my talking voice on a tape recorder. I liked the sound of my voice so well in my head, and then to hear it from someone else's perspective – not at all how I thought I sounded was quite disturbing! Blah blah blah . . . and this is all I have to say after my long blog absence?!

6 comments:

Tia Juana said...

OH!!

I am so with you on this! I, too, have a writing voice. But, I think I have a blog writing voice. And a card writing voice. And an email writing voice. They are all me but they are slightly different. I have been making my last year's blog into a book and as I have been reading all my posts again I have felt exactly what you are saying here.

But I have a post in my head that perhaps soon will be a reality - written in my blogger voice - where I will share a little more of what I think about the writing voice we seem to have.

Welcome back. I've missed you and your purple baby.

Mugsy said...

Well all I have to say to that is...."Do you hear the pipes Fernando? There was something in the air that night the sound bright Fernando...They were shining there for you and me, for liberty Fernando...And we never thought that we could loose, but theres no regret....If I had to do the same again, I would my friend, Fernando..."

OK so ofcourse the words don't sound quite right when typing not singing. Maybe kell can help me out.
But Nanc, the different voice, well I feel that way too, in a lot of different things actually. My style in my clothes decorating personality. I just say change it up. Not sure how on the voice but do it. Even my blog has to change with my mood. So obviously I am on the extrmem end and you on the other. But lets come to the middle. Or you, because I actually like the extreme end. Anyway now I am making no sense. But love you just the same.

Mugsy said...

And incase you were wondering I type dyslexic

Krista said...

At least you're only hearing one voice! I know what you mean about the voices....sometimes I think with an Aussie accent, or English, or Chinese. And when you write it, it doesn't quite sound how you truly intended it. That's the beauty of blogging - using your imagination of what voice you hear!

Karen said...

I had the same thing happen recently reading through old stuff I have written. It actually occurred to me that I may have a few personalities. There is a non-sense-Karen, a no-non-sense-Karen, a sappy-Karen, an olblivious-Karen, and obsurd-Karen. The worst part of that, is none of the meet in any thing I have written.

I say Mike is lucky to have you and have your "voice" to reflect on when he needs to.

Perla said...

what the hell is megan writing about?

i think that it is a gift to be able to write in your voice--to have your own complete style and be able to say, "this is me." you know, sometimes you read a quote and think, "My goodness, neal a maxwell certainly had to have written that." or hemingway. what if his voice was different all the time. i think i know what you are saying, but i hope you do realize that in writing, having such a powerful voice that is all your own is a gift and some writers struggle to ever really come up with their own. so, that is what i think.

what slideshow was tash talking about in a comment on your last post?

oh yeah, by the way, the shoe box is women's shoes from mervyns. now that mervyns is gone, lets embarrass our daughters when they are older and ask them if they want to go to the mall to check out mervyns when we mean a different store and they will just die at how old and stupid we are. haha.

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