Naturally I knew there would be more life to follow and sure, if someone asked, I would say that much of it would likely be grand, but it is just that the dreaming and imagining stopped at the point of the newly married me. Maybe I still feel that way because our relationship doesn't seem any different than when we were first married (except likely even better now that we know each other more), or maybe everyone gets stuck in their mind at a certain age and point where they continue to see themselves despite reality. But every now and then, I suddenly see me as someone else, as the me I guess I really am now. It is not unpleasant, in fact it even makes me smile. It is just . . . surprising.
Take today for example. I was standing at the kitchen table, pursing my lips as I labored over getting some scouting patches just right on Abe's new scout shirt. Well, "labored" might have been an exaggeration. Bless the scouts, likely in response to the increasing lack of homemaking skills, they have now made available some sticky material in the shape of the various patches so you can basically press it on the patches and then apply them to the shirt. Never even touching a sewing machine. Still, I was worried about gluing things in just the right spot. Suddenly I had one of those moments. "What?" I thought, "Is this me? Getting a boy's scout uniform ready? What do I know about scouts? What am I doing with a boy in scouts?" I can't quite explain what a strange sensation it is when I suddenly see me far beyond what I'd dreamt up to during my teenage years. It is a weird, sort of nostalgic, melancholy, but also very -- turn the corners of your mouth into a surprisingly happy but unbelieving smile -- kind of feeling.
Most of the time you just go about life living it with out thinking anything is odd, but every now and then, the reality of who or where you are surfaces quite shockingly. I'm sure I'll think the same thing some day when I am sewing my daughter's wedding dress, "Huh? How did I get here? I am only just married myself!" Well, I won't actually ever be sewing a wedding dress. (After all, didn't I just mention the glue on scout patches)! I'll be with her as she tries wedding dresses on. But, my mother DID sew my wedding dress! It was gorgeous with its rhinestones and pearls. And look there I am in it -- just as I still think I am . . . only with a scout and his four siblings surrounding me.