Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Losing my Cool

Well, it's official, I can never ever be cool again. Ever. Again.

Of course, that presupposes I ever actually was cool. I'm pretty certain I must have been though because do you know what I was voted my senior year of high school? Well, I'll tell you. "Best Personality," AND "Best Sense of Humor." What is that if not C-O-O-L? Oh, alright, who am I kidding. Those awards were quite the honor, but they are only a step under "Most Likely to Succeed" in their coolness ranking, which means, quite frankly, not cool at all. Nice? Yes. Better in the long run? Why certainly, but cool? Nooooo. If you want to prove coolness by the senior bests votes, you know darn well that you would have had to be voted:

a) Best Looking or

b) Best Pockets (Which of course is complete Greek to me . . . I have no idea what that means . . . oh alright, I do. I know because my older brother was voted, "Best Pockets" and I, in my youthful innocence, was shocked to hear what that meant -- and that there was an award for it in high school! He was cool though, so, you see my point).

Even if the other categories had been enough to classify one as "cool," I have no real proof I ever received the awards at all. No proof but my word and two tiny paper weight plaques lost somewhere in my parents' attic. There was a big scandal with the year book staff trying to choose finalists with no preliminary voting. Then there was an uproar from the enraged student body. In the end, the votes were done how they should be with the outcome being that the yearbook staff angrily sent the yearbooks off to be made with the Senior Bests excluded.

So, maybe I have never been cool, but any allusions of coolness I may have retained have now been squashed. I know it's fruitless now. And you'll know too . . . just as soon as you see these pictures:
Yes. That is a full size van. Full. Size. I just lost all of my young cool readers permanently with those last three sparse sentences. (And these pics are the best we could do with cars parked on either side and Goldie as the photographer).

Even Mike's brother said (when Mike mentioned getting a roof rack or "cool" rims) that it was just like "putting lipstick on a pig."

It seats 12. That means our family plus a whole other family of 5! 7 + 5. 6 and 6. 10 and 2 more.

Mike has always wanted one. ALWAYS. He does think it's cool. He thinks it is the coolest thing he's ever owned. Maybe because he's cool enough to handle it. (In fact, this minute he just said something about his van and I think I heard the words "hot" and "best purchase we ever made").

Anywho, despite my pride making me want to hide when I drive it (which, let's face it -- is impossible), I actually did love being in it tonight with the kids. They have been squashed up close to me in that truck for the past 2 1/2 years. I can never even hear myself think as I drive. But tonight . . . oh tonight . . . they mostly wanted to sit on the back row. I couldn't even hear them! It was dreamy. For all I know they were screaming and crying their heads off for the whole drive. AND, oh how Daisy and Goldie usually whine about who is touching who when we drive. Now, not one kid even has to sit directly by another kid! What? Plus, we've never had even one extra seat to cart a friend or cousin along with us. Now, as I mentioned, we have FIVE extra seats.
j
So, there are some perks to having just gone from a girl who could pass for 20-something (maybe -- if the viewer were generous and didn't quite do their math in accounting for all my kids) to a motherly 48 year old. And don't get me wrong about being a mother. I love being a mother, but mother is a very different word from mother-ly.

But, before you mock, consider that you might not want to burn any bridges. One day you and your band might need a ride to your latest gig and who will you call? Me and my van. Actually, let's call it Mike's van. You might need to call me and my husband's van.

11 comments:

Tia Juana said...

You may have lost your cool but you totally look hot! So I think you are still cool!

jocelyn said...

i was nominated (mind you i didn't even win) for class chatterbox. what a terrible award that would have been. certainly not cool, just annoying. anyway, i love that you guys have a big huge gargantuan van. at least it has windows so you can't be mistaken for a...well, you know. and look how cute your boots are! a 48-year-old motherly woman would never wear those.

Mary Elizabeth Liberty said...

But, but look at your cute boots!

Nancy said...

OOh thanks girls. I like having it affirmed that my rain boots are indeed as cool as I hoped they were.

Rhonda said...

Those Harris boys crack me up! Greg wants a full size van SO bad. You getting one isn't exactly quenching his desire for one either. I keep trying to tell him how ridiculous it would be for me to drive a van with one kid around....but in his mind there are so many advantages to having a full-size van that all other logic doesn't seem to matter.

He dreams of hauling around all of his scouts and on camp outs he could sleep in the van instead of a measly old tent. I told him he should rent a van on those occasions, but it doesn't seem to satisfy. I hope I can hold off on getting one at least as long as you did! But I am afraid that there is a full-sized van in my future as well.

Leslie Lynn said...

Nancy, you are hillarious!! I love this post. Congrats on Mike's van! You look so amazing...barely pushing 20 yrs I think.

London said...

Well I want to put my vote in and say that that was the "coolest" post I've ever read! Seriously, that is so awesome! And I totally think that Mike's idea to put some rims on the van is about the best idea ever! Probably cause I know Bryant would do the same thing if we had a van, which if it was up to him we would end up getting one because he would want our "7" children to fit in it. (Remember, that's what he wants) Or you could always paint it yellow and pick up all the neighbors kids on the way to school haha

Mugsy said...

Aaron was also Best Buns Best Bod. O and how could you naught have always been cool when you own those boots! Where o where did you get them! I need them!!! PLease please don't leave me hanging!

Nancy said...

Lond, I am totally going to paint it yellow!! Ha!

Megs, they are just some rain boots, but my goodness they have been getting themselves some compliments here. I'd been wanting some cool ones that didn't look all plasticy forever and the Hunter ones always looked hip to me, but I could only find them for like 100 bucks online, so when I found a pair in my size at Down East for 24.99 the other day, well, you can just imagine how quickly I bought them.

Amy said...

Ha ha, I lost my coolness with my Van purchase. Alan tried to tell me it wasn't a stale "family van", but one that could haul a load of motorcycles, etc. But let me tell you it has been down hill all the way since that purchase. I no longer shower, brush my teeth or turn off the TV. I also have started wearing overalls and extra large Crocs!

marzee said...

Dear Super Cool Chick with the Awesome Van-

May I just say I totally dig your boots? Why am I always the last one to catch up on fashion? Seriously - you think I would have caught this one by now - living in the NW and all. Aren't rain boots a given? I need some! And a pair of striped socks that come out the top. Oh - wouldn't that be cute? With a jeans skirt? Oh - and I should wear them in the summer - because it would be super funny. I should wear them while walking my dog . . . I need to get one of those too (but I don't want to live with it). Maybe I can borrow a dog - like I used to borrow my neighbor's dog when I was a kid so I could have an excuse to repeatedly walk by my crush's house.

So I will buy a pair of rain boots - a jeans skirt - striped socks - and borrow a dog. I must do that - and when I do - I must send you a pic since you are my fashion inspiration.

(You may think I'm mocking you - but I'm not. I really do dig your boots!)

Loves,
Marz

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