In yesterday’s post I made reference to The Chinese Water Torture. (Side note to Jana: I don’t know why or how Troy was able to drop water in your eye, but he had it all wrong. My brother taught us that your head was put in such a position that it couldn’t move. Then a small but consistent drop of water would be allowed to land in the exact same spot on your forehead for hours – perhaps you are placed under a leaky faucet? - until, presumably, you go insane. I don’t know if the Chinese have ever used such a torture, but if they have, I must say – horrible though it may be – I would have to choose it over most other tortures).
So, back to what I was saying: Yesterday I referred to The Chinese Water Torture . . . only I called it The Chinese Water “Torcher.” Huh? What is that word? Like a hot hot thing? A torcher? Sigh. Mike fixed it for me – very carefully of course so as to in no way insinuate that I am anything but brilliant. But man, I might be not so bright after all. That makes me mad. It isn’t usually spelling so much, but look at my posts. Have you ever seen such awful haphazard punctuation, etc. in your life? I like to write with . . . ummm . . . animation? Something. Anyway, that is tricky to punctuate and you would have to wake up pretty early in the morning to pull one over on the old “writing like a crazy person talking.” I mean, when do I really legitimately use all of these: -- and these: . . . and when I end something crazy in parenthesis that ends a sentence but doesn’t end the sentence I was writing do I use a period in the parenthesis? What if my sentence ends when the parenthesis do? Can I really just throw commas in anytime I feel like a little pause? I know Kimberly and Gayle are probably shaking their heads in an “It’s hopeless, Nancy.” sort of way (did I punctuate that wrong?) What about that? Ahhh! Because they know the answers and one answer would be to not write like a rambling maniac, I guess. Sigh again. I don’t want to seem stupid. I need a Harbrace Manual. Only, Mike was trying to help me figure out how to punctuate some awful sentence once by looking online at information and as far as we could tell, there were no circumstances when such a sentence ever should exist to punctuate. Anyway, this is the worst. Now you will all begin paying close attention to my mistakes. I need a post editor. Anyone up for the job? That way I can appear brilliant with out having to actually be brilliant! And really, that is good enough for me because I don't really care if I'm a genius so long as people think I am. Appearances are always my utmost priority.