Yes, I know. We’ve already done that. A lot. Also, I know that he is eating a gross flip-flop in that picture. Sigh. BUT, I can’t NOT talk about him. I mean, could you? If he were yours? Maybe you think you could, but what if he was your very own and he had a slightly reddish tint to his hair and it always poked up a bit on either side?
You see now, don’t you? You see that you couldn’t go more than a few moments with out talking about him. You see that you would almost go crazy because he wouldn’t necessarily want to be hugged and squeezed as tightly as possible during every waking moment of his life and that is all you would feel like doing?
I like all these pictures of Anders and I that Abe took the other day, but I MOSTLY love love this first one. I love it because I saw it and it felt like my face and smile could maybe, in this picture, almost convey to others how much I adore this sturdy little person; how happy he makes me.
Maybe this is too personal to share. I don’t know. I sometimes struggle knowing the difference between sharing my testimony through my experiences, and sharing things that are personal and sort of, sacred, I guess, to me. Anyway, this is just small. Maybe more just one of those “tender mercies” the Lord occasionally grants us, but, while I adored adored my precious little newborn Anders with all of my heart, that first month was very rough. I had worse post-partum depression than I’d experienced before, and it made everything feel . . . well, those of you who have experienced it know how it makes things feel.
I was lying on my bed trying to nurse him to sleep one afternoon so that I could get a few things done. I was rubbing his soft perfect downy head and just crying and crying as I thought, “I’m so depressed that I don’t even get to enjoy my tiny baby!” Then, very distinctly these words came into my head: “You will enjoy him.”
You often hear it described as: “The spirit spoke to my mind” – or “my heart” and that is because it is the perfect way to describe it. While I didn’t hear the words out loud, those were the definite exact words. I can even feel the way it came to me and the emphasis on “will”. It felt like, “Oh Nancy, you have no idea how much enjoyment is ahead for you with this little baby. There is so SO much joy to be had with him.”