I have always felt a little gypped about missing out on Confession. Do you capitalize Confession? It feels like it should be capitalized. Anyway, it isn't so much the thought of having my sins absolved so tidily. It is more the poetic mournfulness elicited by the image of going into the little dark confessional and speaking penitently through the screen to some mysterious, wise, and unseen individual about such wrongs as yelling at your sister or sneaking a look at your Christmas presents before they were wrapped.
Luckily, I have come up with my own way of experiencing Confession! I will simply begin confessing on my blog. Since we can't see each other it is kind of like being on opposite sides of a screen. The mood is a little lacking since there are no stained glass windows or the dim light of candles, but it will have to do.
Here we go. First Confession (Oh my goodness . . . sorry . . . I know you were on the edge of your seats, but when I typed "First Confession," I recalled one of my favorite short stories of the same title! Here is a link if you want a fun little read -- later, of course, after you've finished MY fun read and are left wanting more: First Confession by Frank O'Connor).
Alright, really now. My first confession (it lost the capitalized oomph when I took so long to actually get to it):
Beyond my tendency to throw away papers and receipts that later prove to be absolutely indispensable, I wash things . . . lots of things . . . things that are not supposed to be washed -- cell phones, gum, crayons, the other crucial papers that I haven't already thrown away, wallets, toys, etc. The other day I pulled Mike's headphones out of the wash and thought, "Huh, well that is a new one." I discovered later, however, that it wasn't a "new one" at all when Mike, with a tone of far too little surprise (more a tone of mild interest and resignation), said, "You washed them again?" At least that means they must have survived the first time! And, I gave a whole new meaning to the term, "money laundering" when I managed to wash a large wad of cash Mike had just pulled from the bank.
There, confession complete. I would have preferred if I'd been able to bow my head in shame and shed a tear or two, but that would have made typing difficult.
Lest this seem too aimed at one particular religious practice, I will also add that I feel equally gypped by never getting to participate in the Relief Society "Good News Minute" (since I haven't been in Relief Society for years). I will be stealing my niece Ashley's idea of putting good news minutes on her blog -- just as soon as I think of a "good" good news minute. You know, something that will be equally uplifting and edifying to all -- just as every other thing I ever put on my blog is.
12 comments:
Ok, so I have a confession for you, I love reading your blog and do this regularly. It tends to take me back in time. But for this particular blog I have to leave you a comment only because it made me laugh hysterically. I am more than willing to take you to confession at any point so that you can get the whole confessional experience... I must warn you though, especially if you know, very well as I do, that mysterious wise Priest on the other side of the screen or are sitting right in front of him, it's not as exciting as it may seem, now even though I have no "outstanding sins", it is still a very humbling and yet sometimes a humiliating experience. But like I said I am more than willing to share this experience with you at any time. My little Hannah did her first confession last May, she was in there forever and as I sat there I was trying to decide whether I had a horrible little girl or if she struck up a conversation with the Priest like she does with most... all I know, since we aren't allowed to ask what they confessed, is that she came out shaking worse than a little fall leaf tumbling down the road! Anyway keep up with your blogs, I love the way you write, you need to get into writing books like your dad.
Brooke
I saw the title "confession" and I admit I was secretly excited that I was about to learn that my very good and righteous friend had some deep dark secret 2nd life. I couldn't even imagine what it might be though, you are one of the few truly pure people I know. "without guile" I think. And see, the reason I couldn't even speculate what secrets you might need to confess is that there really is no way you could be running an underground dog fighting ring or selling pirated dvds on the black market somewhere. It was a funny thought for a minute though. "what if everything I thought about this person was a big cover up?"
Oh Nancy, how I love you! I have washed away the ability to use a debit card. Turns out those things don't survive the dryer so well after the third, sometimes the fourth time.
I too, miss out on RS. I have been in the nursery since we moved here. Looking forward to you good news minutes.
i love your blog. you crack me up and the best part of reading it is that i feel like you're just sitting here at my house chatting away with me. i can hear your voice and even the way you would say all of this - and you do make me laugh. i love that you had to confess to washing all kinds of things ... :) ah. great post, as always. :)
I love your confession and I too have to confess that I am addicted to your blog, I also wash things although I am better at checking pockets after drying gum and having to scrape the dryer with a razor. I wonder how many more words I could have added to that sentence.
Dang it, Jill! Now all I wish is that I was running an illegal cog fighting business -- or maybe just cock fighting. Your comment had me laughing so hard. I am going to have to come up with some way to shock everyone now!!
At least you want RS good news minutes. Because from what Jay tells me all they do in Elders Quorum is the bad news minutes, often gossiping way more than any good men should. And they think the ladies are bad. Sheesh!
although the post was enjoyable, i think that mike and your kids need to be the ones in confession. you could set up a sheet and make them confess to all of the things they left in their pockets! i am not the least bit penitent for washing things i shouldn't because, as i have told my kids time and time again, it is not my responsibility to empty their pockets. that is something that should be done before things are put into the clothes basket!
Lara! You know that makes me so happy. Thank you. Only, for some reason everytime I think of you now, I associate you with Boston and then I get sad that I am not going!!
Liz, that made me laugh.
Shan, you are right. I we have had those conversations . . . and then they say how there stuff wasn't in the laundry, it was on the floor, and I say stuff shouldn't be on the floor it should be put away or in the laundry and they say how they were going to put it away but then it was gone (whisked off to the laundry by me) or how they were going to get stuff out of their pockets and that is why it wasn't in the laundry. AND, really, we all know I am right because I am the one cleaning up after everyone, but they still contest that they never put it in the laundry and I shouldn't just have scooped it in with out checking. Grrrr.
Oh the fun I miss out on when my life is in such a state of chaos. So, I have to admit, I wanted more to the confessions. You are a boring Mormon - what with the worst of your sins being the washing of money and headphones! Heck, I could tell you things. THINGS that would make your head swim! Actually, I think the worst of my confessions would be that I once acutally ruined a pair of black pants by washing and drying a deck of cards with them. Really now, we've got to get a more exciting life.
And, what, pray tell, is a GOOD NEW MINUTE? Have I lived away from Utah for so long that I have missed a major change in RS conducting protocol. You know, it does sometimes take us mission field members a long time hear and conform to new announcements....
Oohhhh! How I Love reading your blog. I wish I could write like you do! It gives me motivation to write more!!
I'll go to Confessions with you...i've never done it but there is something intriguing to disclosing your secrets to a faceless stranger. At least for me.
Goodbye forever...lol
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