I have never really been one for adventure. No, that sounds wrong. Who doesn't love adventure? I think I meant to say that I have never been one to necessarily need adventure. I've always been a bit of a homebody,and I rarely, if ever, find myself bored. I am pretty content to just do the normal little things that a girl might do in her normal little non-adventurous world. I have had some adventure. The biggest would maybe be living for a semester in Jerusalem through BYU's study abroad program. And, I think our time on St. Simon's Island in GA was an adventure as well as being off on our own in WA for a few years. Still, none of those experiences necessarily made me overly hungry for more adventures.
Lately, however, I am feeling so adventure hungry. And it makes me feel so torn. Of course, "torn" suggests there are two options, and I don't know that there is a very realistic option for adventure right now, but my feelings are torn. There is something very appealing about the idea of being "settled" -- of establishing your little family somewhere permanent in the world where you can get to know neighbors and ward members and schools in a life long type of way; where your kids can feel secure that they will have the same friends a year from now -- or two or three or ten. I like the idea of getting a home paid off and not uprooting and starting over again. It was hard on Abe this last move, and I imagine it only gets harder as kids get older. And, the thing is, we are where we want to be. This IS where we want to end up and be established. But now that we are here I am feeling very much like, "Am I ready to 'end up'" yet? I don't know.
It is just each time I hear of a friend or family member contemplating heading off to take a job or go to school in some new place for awhile, I feel all wistful and like that is exactly what I want to do -- be all unsettled and unsure of where the road is leading. Unsettled? Weird. But there is seriously some excitement associated with the times in our marriage when we have wondered where we would be . . . and when and how. Do I want to suddenly leave and have Mike take this job to another state? No, that would be silly. We feel very lucky we were able to get back here and wouldn't want to risk losing that ever. Plus, I admit I may have added a little something of -- oh I don't know -- some poetry to the idea of being off in a new and unfamiliar place. We could go someplace new and find our circumstances miserable. But there is something so great about learning about a new place and having that place tucked securely in your mind as one of your places and as one of your life experiences.
I saw a blog the other day of a couple who are spending several months in Rwanda. Probably not the best place to cart our kids, but I just get this -- I don't know, almost a painful longing in my stomach to see and be a part of all of the different things and place that are out there. Even seeing the different trees and scenery gave me kind of this clawing feeling under my ribs like something trying to get out and get there.
I know, maybe we'll find time and money to travel when we get older. And I would love that. But that is not the longing I am talking about. Traveling doesn't allow you to BE a part of something the way living there does. That doesn't mean it isn't enjoyable, but it isn't the feeling I am antsy to have. In Israel I remember feeling horrified at the thought of having to just see the spots once and not getting to walk daily on the streets or see the small insignificant things about the place. That is how I feel. Like I want to know more of that still. I don't mean to sound discontent. Because that isn't it. I don't feel discontent with here . . . I just feel simultaneous longing for -- elsewhere. And as far as adventure goes, I realize life is fairly adventurous raising five very small children! And, as I mentioned, if an opportunity to move came along, I don't even feel that I'd want it. I would cry to leave. This is home. In fact when Mike mentions moving again just to a new house I nearly slug him (but that is more about packing and unpacking). And yet . . . sigh. What made me start wanting you, Adventure?
12 comments:
Crazy......it's like you and I are on the same thought wave today. The post I am working on in my drafts is on the same line. It is so hard for me to know when it is time to put down deep roots. I am not even sure if I want to stay in the USA right now. I would love an adventure out for a few years. Oh I don't know, maybe Costa Rica or Ireland or maybe Austraila. Yet, I love my neighbors, the mountains, my family being within driving distance, having good friends close. (oh...sorry....I started to hyjack your comments.)
Let's just say, I get it.
I know what you mean. No one likes to be tied to one place forever, we all like the new and exciting, but we also like nothing more than to feel content and settled. But I do find it funny that you are feeling this way after all the crazy adventures you've had in the last 6 or so months!
Sigh, Karen, that is what I mean. My brother has lived all over the world, and it makes me so want those experiences, but yes .. . neighbors, family close . .. those are also very good. But you mentioning Ireland and Australia made me wish . . .
oh adventure, that sly fox.
hehe. did that sound cool? anyway, what fun to come to your blog and find 4 new posts. yahoo!
i was so longing for adventure for about a year until last summer. i was all geared up and ready to move and have a grand adventure. and then i got pregnant and am having a different adventure and how lucky i feel to be here all snug at home during it!
Ah adventure...I would love to live somewhere out of the country for awhile...yet I am the biggest root planter there is, I swear I will never move because I believe so much in "blooming where I am planted"...anyway what a paradox.
I completely understand your thoughts and longings. I think it is a natural thing in us - to long for things we are not currently in possession of - and I think it is good. It is the driving force that keeps us in want of continual growth and experience. It helps us to become more like our Heavenly Father. How can you become all knowing and Godlike without experiencing such things? Learning and growing in them?
This is why we have wants and longings - for growth in wisdom, spirituality, and to have joy in that growth. Man are that they might have joy? And what is it that brings us joy? Growth in righteous learning.
Why does mothering produce so much joy? Because we are not only growing ourselves, but helping others to grow. The reward is great.
Why do we joy in strengthening talents, accomplishing goals, gaining spiritual enlightenment - it is all part of the plan and purpose. We are to have joy in our learning, experiences, and growth - and in doing so, helps us to become more like our Heavenly Father.
The trick is to find ways in which we may succeed in this growth, while fulfilling our responsibilities and duties - to our families and our Father in Heaven. Truly, they are all tied together. The hard thing is in finding balance in them - and pushing our advancements in righteousness.
Well - I guess you see that I've been contemplating such things. I love you!
Yes, what with Kristen planning to move and all, I have had an increased urge to be up and gone to someplace new. I'm excited for the day sometime in the future when Hiram and I will move somewhere far away...hopefully not TOO far, and be a little more "on our own."
Now Ashley, don't go getting any crazy ideas. Just because I want adventure doesn't mean I want anyone else to have it . . . particularly when they might be loved ones I want near me.
Marzers, good insights. Sometimes wanting things we don't have makes us ungrateful, other times, it is what motivates us to do something!
Kell!! Probably I just need to start living YOUR life of trip trip tripping every cool place in the world. Seriously, you are having both -- the roots and the adventure!
I think that clawing feeling under your ribs is the munchies. Perhaps the residual THC has finally built up and is having an effect.... I know what house bought.
--The Rocket Scientist
Hah Ha, oh that made me laugh. And everyone keeps wondering how I manage to have the ability to unpack and blog with 5 kids under foot -- they just need to come here and learn to mellow . . . and eat some snacks.
It will so easily be cured with a few fun trips to Idaho. And yet that will most likely never happen....sigh.....BUt I here ya. I still keep thinking of the job offers in Sand point and feel so tempted
That vagabond spirit is in me, too, to some extent. My dad was a big traveler/ biker. My son (age 17) is interested in travel, too. We've talked about cruisin' what's left of Route 66. Could be fun!
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