But Also .... Don't You Have a Son ...

somewhere in the world? Far away from you? In the midst of all this craziness? Have you forgotten about him?

Ah yes. My oldest child. Oh no. He is not forgotten. With the rest of my children all safely gathered in, it is this child who occupies my prayers and thoughts most of all just now. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A month or so ago I dreamt that Abe returned home from his mission. It didn't add up or make a bit of sense -- his having come home; he wasn't at the end of his two years; he was just right where he was in time in his mission. I don't recall consciously thinking, during my dream, that all the missionaries from his mission had gone home, yet that must have been the backdrop idea, because I did feel this overwhelming sadness that the light of all those missionaries was gone out of El Salvador. Abe was home. And I was grieving for El Salvador. 

I told Abe just laughingly on the phone that I'd dreamt he'd come home. And then we both forgot all about it. It was just a silly dream. How could it have anything to do with reality?

It wasn't until this last Sunday, when we got first official word that Abe would be coming home (and amidst the stress over both the current situation Abe is in, and the anxiousness over the disappointment he might feel with this news) that I suddenly recalled the dream. The scripture from Isaiah came to mind, "... before it came to pass I shewed it thee …", and I was reminded that the Lord knew of this long before He ever called Abe to El Salvador. We might have imagined up two full years in that country. But God already knew that this shift would be part of Abe's path. (This certainty sounded more straight forward and simple than it was. We have been through a whirl-wind of emotions the past few days.)

With current world-wide conditions, concerns over missionaries health, and the availability of health care in many countries, our church has determined it best to return most foreign missionaries to their home countries. Nothing like this has ever happened before, and thousands upon thousands of missionaries have been and will be impacted by this. Missionaries and all those involved in the logistics of arranging and rearranging all of their plans have been on my mind maybe more than anything else with this coronavirus pandemic. 

Once Abe returns, he will be quarantined here at our house for two weeks and then eventually reassigned in the US. I hope quickly -- and that he won't have to be in limbo with the future unknown for too long. But with missionaries across Northern America also being in quarantine, and with the vast numbers returning and awaiting reassignment, I have no idea how quickly it will happen.

Abe is currently in the midst of a 30-day military-style lockdown in Usulatan, El Salvador (several hours of bus rides away from the mission home or airport). With intense restrictions on going out (he hasn't been able to leave at all), and public transportation unavailable, I have no idea how or when Abe will get out. In Abe's mission, they have nothing, in their little cement homes, that allows them access to email, etc. so he has been able to communicate very little and has had very little to help them pass the time -- which has made me anxious over his well-being. They have one small flip phone between the two of them. We finally received his phone number and were able to talk to him briefly on Monday. The news of his upcoming departure had come as an enormous and wholly unexpected shock to him. I can't pretend to know all of his emotions, but I do know that in the midst of his distress, and with his family miles away and unable to be contacted, he knew where to turn for comfort. And he found it. (Learning to turn to God for support and strenght is, I suppose, in and of itself enough of a thing to make this entire mission worth it.)

Anyway, this is just … one of those things that you hear everyone around you going through. (Between ward members with kids on missions, siblings with kids on missions, and Abe's friends out on missions, it is a topic I hear being discussed all around me.) But when it is you and your child experiencing it, it feels so much more complex and huge and significant. Because it is of course. 

We will see what the next weeks and months hold!