Coming and Going and a Thousand Other Things

March 2019 will undoubtedly go down as one of the . . . what's the right word?! biggest? most significant? wildest? most memorable? months in the life of our family. . . . Yes, all of those words. Exactly. And also: none of them exactly. Because there is also this element of us . . . not quite being able to grasp, understand or truly feel the true bigness of any of it!

Tied to the moment we found out our very first baby would be a boy -- nearly 19 years ago -- was the idea that, the minute we got him somewhat raised, he would leave us -- almost completely -- for two whole years. Where? We had no idea. But we wanted him to. (Unbearable a notion though it was!) And we planned on it. The thought was wrapped right in with his very existence so naturally that I hardly recall specific discussions about it! I'm sure there must have been many, but it felt almost as if our very own hopes were the seed that was planted in his heart; and then nourished by a whole slew of people -- most of all, ultimately, himself. 

But, for all of that . . . we didn't live as if he'd really be leaving us. Who can comprehend something nearly 19 years away? (It's still almost as unreal at only three months away!) And it certainly never occurred to us that we would receive the news of his departure and where he would be going the very same week as his ninth sibling -- our tenth and youngest child -- would be born! I went into labor only three nights after Abe opened his mission call. 

This leaving and arriving has felt almost cosmically calculated to force an awareness of how quickly time passes on us! The contrast in these two events has certainly not been lost on me. And both events make me more acutely aware of the significance of the other. (Somewhat like having my dad die the same week we announced we were expecting Hans.) But, more than that, I have this small feeling in me -- as if my spirit knows something my mortal mind can't quite understand -- that the timing of these events wasn't coincidence. Were blessings unlocked for helping Abe's path towards, specifically, El Salvador, by us accepting this 10th child? Were certain angels freed up to help? Were people made more ready for him there? I don't know! But I have felt, strongly, that there were exact and seemingly unrelated blessings that deciding to have Starling would bring to our family. I didn't know what those blessings were, but I felt Starling was eager and pleased to know her coming somehow would facilitate them. And the timing of these events? I don't know. It feels simply that someday -- likely not in this life -- I will be made aware of some even greater connection between them.

In the mean time . . . all mixed in and surrounding these major events have been a host of other occurrences -- most within a week (on either side) of Abe's call and Starling's birth -- some big and some small, but all worth remembering for our family.

We very often reserve Friday nights for family movie nights around here. Popcorn made by Goldie or Daisy or little paper cups filled with treats like goldfish, gummy worms and chocolate covered pretzels are often featured. This was the movie night . . . the week before I went into labor. (Though there was another on the very Friday night that I went into labor.) I believe they were watching Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit here.

Goldie began physical therapy and was given the OK to ditch her crutches. The rod and screws will remain in her leg for a year. She limps more than we'd like, and her range of motion is still poor, but it's a relief to have this big setback resolving itself!

But . . . before being fully free of her crutches, Goldie participated in The Wizard of Oz play at her junior high. I'm not quite sure how she managed it. She stayed somewhat in the back and was maybe hopping? I don't know. It was impressive. And I was glad I got to see it as her performances all were scheduled on the days surrounding (and on) my due date.

Penny had her big 6th grade dance. It's always 50s themed. They practice various dances for months and even have little dance cards all filled out beforehand. She is the first of my kids to be -- at least openly -- incredibly excited about the event. :)

Daisy took her first ACT and got a 34! It's a funny thing to me that she could get a score that high -- and feel only . . . content but not giddy. I'm afraid she would have had to beat Abe (which would mean a perfect score) to have embraced giddiness. But I am amazed! And impressed! (And relieved that at least two of our ten have college paid for. :))

Jesse had the Pinewood Derby. Somehow he and Mike managed to make a 2nd-place car during that first week of Starling home and Mike already taking care of everything else around here.

Abe got his wisdom teeth out. Poor boy wasn't sedated or put to sleep. And he bled so much the entirety of that first day that he didn't even attempt to go without gauze long enough to eat ANYTHING. But, within a day he was doing pretty well and has pretty much eaten regular food since.

Mike had two weeks off of work after Starling came. The first week he got kids off to school, took care of chores, and all the other tasks that are usually mine. And for part of the second week (which happened to be Spring Break), he bravely took the nine oldest kids to Bear Lake for several days -- leaving me completely alone here with Starling! It was truly the kindest gift he could have given me. It was absolutely luxurious just sleeping in with Starling cuddled next to me, eating what I wanted without needing to prepare an entire meal for everyone, writing, and just basking in the novelty of my tenth child . . . all while the house stayed clean! I kept thinking how some people probably think it's completely normal for a house to just stay free of crumbs all over the floor and shoes all scattered about and toys dumped out a thousand times a day. But to me it was miraculous! :) In the mean time, Mike took the kids on all sorts of daring adventures! He truly is an amazing husband and father.

We had General Conference weekend. The first session was completely quiet as only Abe and Daisy, who had work and other obligations, had returned from the cabin by that point. But by the second session, it was back to the usual wildness of Legos and coloring all about the living room. But, I still managed to have Starling sleep contentedly on me for the majority of every session. I've never had a newborn during conference before, and I loved it!

Oh! And . . . we bought a new car! Well, new to us. (But with only 3,000 miles put on it by the prior owners.) Its a Toyota Yaris. And the first new car we've purchased in ten years! (We've had our truck for nearly 15 years and our van for 10.) We just felt we needed something small and with better gas mileage at our disposal. So. That's fun!

And . . . last of all . . . all of this has made every one of us exhausted. All of us have felt a bit like Summer -- who fell asleep in her closet  while playing; and Hans -- who fell asleep half standing . . . and did not wake until he finally fell over. Hahah.