Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Mothering Wisdom or . . . Laziness

This morning, Anders got a sucker stuck in Mette’s hair. He yanked it out – causing her to wail. Loudly. But, as I questioned what had happened, he assured me all was well. “She’s not crying any more,” he pointed out; then, looking at her sucker-stained, blue face, and her spiked-up, sucker-pulled hair he added (with a shrug), “She just . . . looks like a goblin beast.”

All’s well that ends well I suppose.

I’ve noticed, of late, that there are quite a few areas where I have become fairly apathetic in my mothering. I might, I suppose, spin it as having gained a few years of motherly maturity and perspective.

I’ve been around long enough, I could argue, to know that a toddler drinking a bottle long past age two, a needed child bath delayed another day due to late nights and family busyness, or a week off of a proper nap-schedule really doesn’t matter much. I could shake my head over the silliness of the parenting techniques the 26-year-old, mother-of-two version of myself would have balked at.

But . . . the truth is . . . it still boils down, fairly often, to simple laziness. I’ve got a lot of little kids. And I’ve had babies or been pregnant for several years in a row of late (in fact, if this little boy were to show up two weeks early, I’d have had babies in 2014, 2015 and 2016!). Sometimes, I simply don’t have the will or even the desire to change anything about things like . . . two of my youngest eating Halloween candy for breakfast while throwing scraps to their baby sister on the floor (and, apparently, landing some of those scraps . . . in her hair).

Sigh. Shrug. Eh. They’ll still turn out all right.

After all, they still get to carve pumpkins.

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And wear costumes.

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And make cut-out-cookies. (Thank you for overseeing that, Goldie!)

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They should be just fine.

Or . . . fine enough.

Probably.

In other news. Abe. What on earth? He is nearly, though not quite, 16. That doesn’t sound much older than 14 to me. But somehow, between 14 and 16 he’s completely changed! At 14, just two measly years ago, there were still plenty of lingering traces of boyhood. They’ve all but vanished in this short span of two years.

2014 Abe:

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2016 Abe:

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9 comments:

Kara said...

I love this. And I love that you openly admit things. Because I do them, too. And I've often wondered if it's because I'm more seasoned than my younger mothering self or just lazy. Does it really matter? Nope. As I type this, the three youngest are banging on the drums (and climbing in and out off the bass) and I hear many problems drifting up from the basement. I'm also nursing a migraine. So, *shrug*

Kara said...

And I forgot to hug all those pictures. I lub dem all.

Montserrat Wadsworth said...

Wow! The difference in the Abe in those two years is crazy!

The pumpkins look amazing. I love autumn but for some reason we STILL haven't decorated for it yet.

And yes, I look at my mothering now as a more insightful, knowing, wise mother rather than a lazy one because I know they'll be okay in spite of what I do. Thank goodness!

Marilyn said...

1. Definitely, definitely motherly maturity and perspective.
2. Penny (yours) and Goldie (mine) have the same pajamas. Love them.
3. Daisy's is the cutest pumpkin! Love it! Okay, Goldie's is pretty great too.
4. I love those ghost pumpkins but have never had one!!
5. Pretty sure making cut-out cookies counts the same as, like, 200x of not missing baths and 100x of keeping suckers out of hair. Even if Goldie did supervise.
6. 14-year-old Abe is a baby! A baby!

Nancy said...

Love that I'm not alone, Kara. I think we've just gotten better at realizing it's OK to take the occasional path of least resistance. :)

Nancy said...

Comforting coming from you, Montserrat! You're an amazing mother, so I like hearing you agree that not following every bit of parenting rules from all the experts is perfectly fine.

Nancy said...

And Marilyn, you could even have said my Goldie and your Goldie as my Goldie ALSO has the pajamas! Haha! She and Pen seem to love them, but sometimes seeing them all zipped up in them and covered in blankets makes me feel like I will pass out. It just seems too TOO cozy! :)

Beautify Pacify said...

Damn, you all look soooo cute! :)
As for mothering laziness, well, I share the apathetic reaction now to many things I'd have balked at years ago...! As your family grows bigger, you have your claims to a bit of tiredness and a lot of wisdom ;) ;)
I also find now that I don't care much about what others might think about my reactions or decisions. In the past I wanted it all to be perfect, and now I realize/know that many things like missed out baths for example, don't matter much. I see more the big picture, and pay attention first to the time we spend together and the love we share. Whether the outside world thinks I'm a good mom or not, makes no difference.

Nancy said...

I love that Val. I think you are right that I used to worry much more about what "experts" said was the right way to do things, or what seemed like the most "on the ball" motherly way to handle children. It is kind of nice to be at a point where I can let more of that go and not fear my kids will be missing some hugely important part of life if we don't do things the same as friends, family and neighbors!

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