I don’t know why I’d never heard the term “Irish twins” until recently. Why, if we’d managed to get the ball rolling just a little quicker, Summer might have had her own little Irish twin! As it is, she’ll have to settle for getting a sister “just over a year apart” who, if she’s lucky, will occasionally be mistaken for her twin.
And, that is all Mike would feel I need to say about the matter. He’s far more private than I am and doesn’t particularly believe anyone else needs any explanation regarding our decisions. I really love that what anyone else may think doesn’t weigh on him in the least. I love how protective he is of our big family. I love the confidence I feel being next to him and being reminded that this is our family, our path, and our story. Mine. And his. And ours.
Still, I imagine I'd have to be a little more . . . something than I actually am if I didn't admit to rather . . . human feelings -- to sharing that sort of innate desire to be understood; to have my decisions and choices respected; to have questions come from sincere curiosity and desire to know my reasons -- rather than from presumptions. Dismissive or blanket comments or opinions seem so . . . I don't know . . . I guess unfair to the path I have walked in getting here. They don't give justice or weight to the worry and struggle, the thought and prayer and consideration, the uncertainties I've faced, and especially to the answers I’ve received and faith I've had to exercise in creating this family. This is, perhaps, one of the most purposeful and conscientious decisions I have ever made, but, it is not one I ever would have guessed (a year ago at this time – when I was as pregnant as I am now) that I would be making. I think all of us want genuine interest and understanding when it comes to our decisions and our steps (here-and-there into the unknown a bit) as we wait for more light and try to figure our plans here in mortality.
And, while I still don’t understand or know all of my plan, or even all of what having this new little one means, there is something I DO know – something that is entwined and woven so fully into my makeup as to be indistinguishable and inseparable from all the other things that make me who I am (genetics, education, preferences, beliefs, experience, etc.).
I know that I am eternal. I know that I (we) did not begin existing 38 (or 24 or 52 or 76) years ago; and I am sure that I will not stop existing when I leave here.
All mixed in with that certainty – all part of it – is the knowledge that who I am and what I want to do and accomplish and become . . . is something that can't be contained in a small span of mortal years. It is something I shouldn't limit by what I can see clearly in front of me. Me existing forever is coupled with a surety that this life is just one part – a wonderful (and scary and blind) part -- of a much larger whole; a snippet of a story that didn't have its beginning here and won't end when I leave here. And being so utterly convinced that that is truth is powerful. Powerful enough to change decisions, powerful enough to change desires, and definitely powerful enough to change plans.
Life feels so . . . big right now. Sometimes all I can do is shake my head over it all – over how wild and crazy and unexpected . . . and perfectly beautiful it all is.
And, . . . luckily, Summer is completely grown up now, so she’s totally ready for this big sister thing (yipes!).
10 comments:
That is so exciting! I loved having a sibling that close. While it takes its toll on mom the kids will love it. You are very lucky that your Heavenly Father blessed you to have many children that are so healthy :)
Trisha! I don't know if you've ever mentioned in a comment before that you had a sibling so close? I am sure it will be a rough first year on me, but I hope so so much that the two of them will see it for the gift it is, because, as I recently told a friend, if I went to all this work, and they don't become best friends, . . . so help me, I'm sending them both back! ;)
Nancy, this is simply beautiful! My brother Daniel and I are yes what you call Irish twins:) I was born in April of 80'. My sweet Daniel came along March of 81'. Thank you for sharing this wonderful news. It is sometimes so hard to not feel those kind of I need to explain"feelings when you change your mind about something so profound like growing ones family . Im so glad that you set those feelings aside and just followed your heart. The adversary has many a tool to make us feel worried about something so beautiful as having another baby. Thank you for living your Truth. You really don't know how much it means to hear those very words from someone else. Congratulations !!!
Catherina -- Thank you so SO much for stopping to leave that comment. IT was beautiful and really touched me. It means so much to have someone see and understand what I am feeling. Thank you so much.
My #5 & #6 are my closest as of now, being 13 months apart. Some days it seems like taking care of 'babies' is all I have time for (Tandem nursing too) Some days i ask myself what have I done? But I know it's all worth it.
Fun that you have two so close, Erin! (Fun and wild). I'm sure, like you, I'll have plenty of "what have I done" moments over the course if the next year or two ;) but I'm also so excited to be having these two little closely spaced siblings that I hadn't even known would be part of my plan -- and part of each other's!
This all makes me want to move back here if nothing else. I want to be best these little girls and maybe let you take a nap, too. I love you and I'm proud of you and I'm so excited to find out more about this person coming to our family!
I've been thinking so much about you the past few days. I'm so excited for you. I was thinking how much I would love to have a sibling so close in age. We would have so much common ground to build on as adults! Your girls are going to be so grateful you were willing to give them that gift.
I love your guts and the fact that your guts are capable of carrying these little people. Your faith and mothering capabilities are inspiring to this often wobbly spirit. Of many things I will be derisive, but you having a number eight is not one of them. XOXO. (P.S. I love how much Mike and Chris seem alike. I'm certain they would be the best of friends if we lived anywhere near each other.)
Jess -- you've often kindly said how I've always supported you no matter what decisions you've made; but that's only because you've always done the same for me. I love love the fierce loyalty and "got your back"ness you always display towards those you love. And I love that I'm included in that circle.
Post a Comment