Thursday, February 20, 2014

Headin’ fer Texas

I’ve been thinking lots of serious little thoughts lately. Serious . . . big thoughts? Yes. Big. Thoughts on birth and death and the fleeting bits of mortality in between. But (and listen, I’m just going to quit worrying about “and”s and “but”s at the first of sentences. I like them there. Sometimes I really want to make a stop – not with a comma-like pause – but FULLY. And then I want to continue. Just like I did there. I’m sorry it’s wrong. I’m sorry it’s troubling. . . . I’m sorry it will continue.) On to where we were: But, the trouble with those big types of thoughts is that they come floating about – gentle little wisps at first, occasional fireworks, and often often more feeling than word and more image than sentence.

It’s difficult to put wispy little trails of smoke, a strange constricting of your lungs, and tears stinging the corners of your eyes into words. I want to. And, maybe I will; but not yet. Not today. Because today . . . I am packing for TEXAS.

I’ve never been, you know; and, it occurs to me that, perhaps, one can’t fully claim being an Ameri-can without having ever set foot in the state of Texas.

Which isn’t really why I’m going of course.

I’m going simply because the opportunity came. It came in the form of my dad offering to flip the bill for me, my mom, and three of my sisters to fly to Dallas to see our other sister! That’s a lot of sisters. (Though, I should add, that we will be just as eager to see my brother who is also a Texan these days – and who lives, as luck would have it, mere miles from my sister.)

I’ve been bustling about all day – anxious, nervous. I don’t know why. It seems like there is so much to do, when, in reality, I am probably making up things to do. Surely Mike would be able to find clothes for our younger kids if I hadn’t laid out outfits for the next several days. Surely the world wouldn’t end if the windows that are already messy are simply still messy when I return (rather than cleaned in a frenzied state of pre-trip jitters). What is all of this “doing” I’ve been up to anyway? Nervous energy? Once I am actually gone (and suddenly basking in the lovely rareness of “no responsibility”) I am fine. More than fine. WONDERFUL. But until I go, I do feel anxious. Anxious that everything must be done, and set, and taken care of . . . because . . . I take care of things. It’s what I do. And sometimes I find it hard to believe that things and mostly people (my people, my precious little people) can go on being taken care of in my absence!

I’m leaving them in good hands though.

There’s no arguing that.

So . . . off to Texas with me! (And it is going to be lovely. So so lovely.)

I leave you with . . . a Valentine’s weekend with cousins:

One, tiny, happy moment of . . . sort-of . . . warm weather:
(Where, pray tell, did that hair come from? Mine has never grown more than an inch or two beyond my shoulders and the whole of it can probably fit into the tiniest baby elastic you could find.)

And, word on the street (I mean . . . word on the cell phone? I guess?):


Lara said...

I love that you purse your lips in your first picture. And how did Jesse suddenly look like Abe in the third? Have a great trip. I stress if I have to go without the family overnight. But then midway through I find that I am really enjoying it too. Sisters will make it great!

Jason said...

i knew meg was here in texas seeing shannon, but didn't realize you came too! AHHHH!!! to be just too far to make it convenient to come and crash your sisters get-away and get a hug from you and meg ... next time. :)

i hope you had a most amazing time with all you girls!! :)

Jason said...

haha ... how funny. apparently it's jason signed in right now, so it looks like my husband is stalking you and needing hugs from you and meg!! hehe ... that's a bit funny. but it's me. just me. ~ jami

Nancy said...

Haha! Jam, I knew it was you! But it would be awesome if it was Jason who was so needing hugs from me and Megs! I love when I write comments signed in as Mike.

And darn that Texas for being so big that us being there wouldn't mean we'd automatically be close to you! Booooo! Hope all is well with you and yours. Would have been so happy to see you!!!

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