Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Defenseless

The other day I started writing a post that I think I felt I was supposed to write. After all I’d just announced I was pregnant with a seventh child (see Waiting for Summer). Surely I should offer some explanation? Perhaps a defense? Some type of justification?

But, about a half paragraph in, I deleted it. I can think of no other explanation except that it was boring me. I really could muster no interest in continuing.

Remember this post from soon after Anders was born? Well, of course you don’t, but that feeling? That feeling I discussed of being content and sure in my course, of being fine with the fact that friends and family and loved ones might have very different courses to follow? It has simply grown and grown.

It wasn’t a straight path getting here. It took soul searching, and praying, and evaluating. The me of several years ago might have feverishly continued typing my justification post. But now? I’m so perfectly content and happy with the decisions Mike and I have made, and so absolutely excited that we’ve actually done it – actually created the full home and large family we both wanted long before we even met one another, perhaps long before we even came to this earth – that I don’t feel concerned at all about the fact that the entire idea is shocking or upsetting to many (and trust me, I have gone with no shortage of cutting, snide, and belittling remarks to let me know just how shocking).

Perhaps this post described it somewhat as well: Shameless. That’s how I feel. I love my family. I love that we will continue on – through this life and the eternities – loving, and laughing, and adoring the relationships we have together. As I mentioned in the post after Anders was born, this plan will have its own unique struggles (just as all lives will) – more to balance, less free time, etc. That used to worry me some, but now, I’m OK with that. Very OK. Because, this course will also come complete with its very own unique joys – and those joys? They are the very ones I most want.
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As I announced this pregnancy last week – sending out texts and messages, making phone calls and writing emails – I was kind of amazed at the amount of love that came flooding back at me. Friends and family and even acquaintances sending back cheers and support – surrounding me with a bubble of excitement and acceptance that couldn’t have been any greater had this been a first child.

Much of the most genuine joy that came back to me came from those whose own lives and families are completely different from my own. It was really an incredibly happy and beautiful thing. It made me want to not only embrace the good of my path, but find more and more reason to celebrate the differing joys in others’ journeys.
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Thanks all y’all for being a part of that love and support; and for helping take away my need to defend or offer some reasonable explanation – simply because you haven’t required one. I want to be more like all of you.

5 comments:

Kara said...

That's the best feeling, hey? The one of peace and surety in a decision made. Everyone has their opinions, but they don't matter, even if they hurt sometimes. We started getting backlash with #3 (we have four and live in a place where most have 2 or less) and I too, felt comfort in my path. Sometimes it's hard to keep that eternal perspective constantly in mind. But it sure feels better. :) Congratulations!

Nancy said...

Thanks for your comment Kara. And I know well what you mean. We lived up in the Portland area a few years back. I remember when I had three and was pregnant with my fourth, I could literally go NOWHERE without the typical, "You know how to prevent that, don't you?" or "My. You sure have your hands full." Etc. Sigh. And yes, those things do rub wrong at the time, but when I come back to my bubble of happiness and home, it always erases them. Hope all continues going well with your little brood! Even though we are now nearly to seven, I actually think life has gotten much simpler -- I can run errands while leaving little ones home with their older brother or sister (who are now 13 and nearly 12). I can plan visiting teaching visits when siblings can watch each other, etc. It's lovely. ;)

Glad you commented. Took a peak at your photography blog and it's lovely! (And you look lovely yourself!)

Montserrat Wadsworth said...

Any new life is worth celebrating!

And yes, it is actually easier once you have older ones. They are just more independent.

Val said...

Why some justification? Hell no, it is just awesome the way it is.You make your own beautiful choices, everyone does, and all choices are different! I must add, I totally understand the things that push and motivate you. :)

Nancy said...

Thanks for that supportive comment Val! You always strike me as someone who tries hard to understand others without judging. I picture you very much as someone who could appreciate others views and beliefs -- even if they were very different from your own. Your friends, family and those who know you are lucky to have you in their lives. Your kids, I think, are especially lucky to have a mom who will be passing this type of goodness on to them!

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