I suppose bustling about doing Christmassy things. . . . Though what those things might have been, specifically, escapes me.
As I mentally rewind through December, I can, with effort, push the pause button and catch an occasional concrete glimpse of something -- Daisy singing in her school’s choir concert; me piling “art supplies” – a last gift still needing crossed off – into a cart, or making a list of grocery items for the different dishes that wanted bringing to various family parties. I can see our kids and their cousins looking in little windows at Christmas Village, and our Christmas tree poking out of the truck bed as we drove it home; but it takes work to see those details. Mostly I just see a whirring of red and green, lights, wrapping paper, decorations and six little faces; and know that it was predominantly happy but feel a little guilty for not having each and every detail of it set firmly and lastingly in my mind . . . or, even here, on my blog.
It shall ever be a mystery to me why it is that I can find so much to write about when there is nothing particular going on but can barely manage one flitting little post when life is full of significance and happenings that should be placed securely in our family’s safety deposit box of memories.
Perhaps it is because life’s little day-to-day happenings aren’t expecting a big to-do. They are only pleasantly surprised and grateful when, caught unawares, they are suddenly showered with a bit of attention. But Christmas? Holidays? Birthdays? One can’t just take a stab at properly covering the happenings of those honored guests, can they? Unlike their run-of-the-mill, day-to-day cousins, it is expected that they should be put down with meaning and beauty, and, sometimes, it is all a bit too much pressure.
But, more likely, it is simply that I have a little more time when life is less full of adventure – a few more moments to load and review pictures, a few more moments to think about what exactly there is to make of any day’s goings-on.
In the midst of some of life’s best and biggest moments, I often can do no more than try to absorb as much as I can while I listen and watch and participate. But, during those moments, while I might not have time to capture each event, it feels like I am very much soaking up happiness and goodness and living – soft kissable baby skin, music, a husband I want to be with, and laughing kids. It feels too like I am pouring things into my kids, perhaps not each perfect moment printed on their minds, but, hopefully, they are having their bodies filled up with happiness and family. Hopefully they are stockpiling goodness and love.