Monday, October 24, 2011

Pictures Mostly


Because that’s about all I can manage.

IMG_9464_edited-1Maybe because there are so many of them? (See above photo)

No. Honestly, I don’t think it is that. It is really only because there is so much of . . . him:
IMG_9389_edited-1And by “him”, I am referring to the one on the left. The little one.

The other one, this kid:
is pretty much nothing but a perfect and perfectly easy child.

But the other one. The one telling Daisy some interesting little tale here:
Well, he is . . . less easy. He is three weeks old, and, to be honest, I haven’t one bit figured life out with him.

That’s not to say I don’t love him. I do. I adore the little fella. Lots and lots and a really really lot:

But I feel like life was sooo incredibly easy a few weeks ago . . . when nobody was a newborn.

I keep thinking back to when I had Jesse and wondering just who on earth I thought I was. You may recall that about one minute after he was born we closed on a house. A house that had been basically abandoned with clothes and junk and . . . pots of marijuana soil . . . left behind. I was carting my oldest two out to their new school – a 45 minute round trip twice a day, I was cleaning frantically every inch of this new house, I was rounding up all our stuff from several months living at my moms, and then unpacking an entire house from all our storage unit stuff. I also happened to have three small ones at home in the day, like I do now, only the oldest after my newborn was only 1 1/2. Somehow I seemed to be managing the weight and responsibility of a lifetime along with adjusting to my newborn. And I seemed to be doing it just fine. Maybe I wasn’t just fine. Maybe I was overwhelmed and stressed, but it seems like I had no problem, and now? One newborn and I can barely manage to fold the laundry or even shower. 

Ah well. I guess life is supposed to feel hard sometimes. I suppose I should be trying valiantly to learn patience and empathy for others and all sorts of lessons. But I must admit that often, when life is hard, I feel like I am Saul “kicking against the pricks” – like a plow ox who, not wanting to go the way he should, pushes into the sharp goad rather than letting it push him gently where he needs to go.  I feel like sometimes, instead of letting trials shape me and mold me into something better, I just cry and push against them and say, “No!! I only like EASY!!”

But, even when hard, life is also filled with good – like all these little folks who are surely more than worth any days of hardly being able to shower. These photos got cut short because I didn’t notice my camera battery was almost dead as we were walking out the door. Still, we had some fun for a minute . . . especially because there was, what appeared to be, a zombie convention going on in the parking lot. That was actually kind of . . . weird.


I love this one. This shows how it really goes trying to get them all in one picture. What coolness is happening with Goldie at the back?IMG_9527_edited-1IMG_9539_edited-1IMG_9549_edited-1IMG_9557_edited-1IMG_9561_edited-1IMG_9564_edited-1IMG_9569_edited-1IMG_9576_edited-1IMG_9579_edited-1IMG_9584_edited-1


Rhonda said...

What cool pictures of your kids! Love them! I am sorry things are so hard right now. I literally can't even imagine doing how you are doing it. I hope you get a chance to shower today! Lots of love!

Tia Juana said...

Oh bless you dear Nancy! Perhaps you can't do much right now because you don't need to. You needed to do all that stuff before so you were blessed to be able to. But now, you are all in your house and its your blessing to just be able to "be" and not have to worry about anything but a newborn - and a few other little ones - and that is enough! No, its not pots of marijuana -thank the good lord - and it is very very frustrating to want to do more than what realistically happens but I say, enjoy! Wear extra deodorant! And hang a do not disturb sign on your bedroom door once in a while. What's the worst that could happen? Jesse could grow marijuana? OK, don't answer that! Love ya - hang in there!!!!

Tia Juana said...

And my goodness, if anything, you have taken more world class, prize winning pictures! All of which, are so darling!

jami said...

i'm with tia ... just enjoy. enjoy the non-shower days :) (i still have them and i don't have a newbie or six little people to contend with), and it's all good. time has a way of working things out .... and tia stole my other comment too (not the pot growing one :) ) but the photographs. they are amazing. AMAZING! and you have beautiful subjects ... sending peaceful thoughts your way.

Perla said...

i love you sister. where did you take those photos? great job. so awesome!

Nancy said...

It was at the Union Station, Shan. I'm surprised because I thought the old trains would be roped off and what not, but they were totally open for kids to climb even on the tops (which will probably result in a broken leg and law suit at some point), anywho, it would have been quite fun to mess around and take pics for awhile . . . only my newborn was so . . . new . . . and my camera battery died . . . and, then, there were the zombies.

Marzee said...

Nancers - I am missing you today. I just wish I could get a dose of you on a daily or weekly basis. Somehow this blog helps, but am sure it isn't enough. Your photography is looking fantastic! Way to go! I love the colors. Each picture seems somehow comforting, calm and very natural - and yet vibrant with your use of color. Love it! The kids are beautiful - and that new little baby - adorable! Love it, love it. Thinking of you. I hope you're feeling better now.

Life is busy over here. Jackson just finished soccer this weekend, Tab soon to finish hers. Found out that both of them are in the top of their classes at parent teacher conference - which you know for Jackson is amazingly gratifying and a huge relief. They're both being tested Excel classes too.

Today I am overwhelmed. I stayed up until 4am working on a mummy costume. After 2 it was mostly just watching a musical and pretending I was getting something done. I should have gone to bed then - because well, the work after that point was terrible. Tab will be a circus performer, Jackson a mummy (that's what I was sewing) and Eli a baby bear. They all chose their costumes.
So between finishing that today, hosting preschool, and visiting teaching - I'm also supposed to design the screenshots of a mobile app I'm working on. It's due tomorrow. And I'd really just prefer to sleep all day . . . and certainly don't want to go trick or treating. Did I also mention we were entertaining travelling family this weekend? Yes - life is busy.

Nancy said...

Marz, so so happy about Jackson! That is a tribute to you and what you have been doing with him as a mother. Also, I always get the most sad about my lack of sewing skills come Halloween time when my kids want cool costumes and have to settle for cheap stuff from Wal Mart . . . but reading your comment it occurred to me that maybe I should be glad I actually don't have the skills . . . no staying up 'til 4 am like you (or my own mother would) to create the dream for your child! My poor kids. Can't wait to see pics of your kids in costume!!

marzee said...

Pics are on Facebook. And honestly, my sewing skills stink - but for costumes - I figure it doesn't matter. Love you!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...