Mister Steamy

For Father's Day I got Mike "Mister Steamy." Goodness. Now that I type that, I realize it has a bit of a scandalous ring to it -- like perhaps a Father's Day gift I should keep a little more private, but wait, let me clear things up by telling you just what Mister Steamy is.

It's a little green ball that you put water in and then put in the dryer with your clothes and they come out looking like they are straight from the dry cleaners! I first saw Mister Steamy on an infomercial, and in my mind's eye, I pictured my poor husband -- as he is to be found on many a work morning -- getting a towel damp and tossing it in the dryer with a wrinkly work shirt, and I thought, "What if he didn't have to use the poor man's wet towel trick and could instead enjoy the luxury of Mister Steamy?!"

But, I've never ordered anything off of an infomercial and it intimidates me -- plus, I'm wary of it. Can you really just order things off of infomercials? Just like that? I keep feeling like it can't be that easy and somehow you'll get taken. But, that can't always be true. Mike has very fond memories of the time that his mom let them order a cool sandwich maker off of an infomercial -- yes, just like that.

Mike loved it. In fact, when that same sandwich maker became available at a store near you, he bought one just like it for us so that we could re-experience the happiness that purchase brought him as a child. And, now that I call that sandwich maker to mind, I realize that I haven't used it for far too long. I am going to use it tomorrow. And do you know what I'll use it for? A tuna melt! That's right. Mmm. I can't wait. Mike's out of town, so I can freely drown my loneliness in foods he detests -- like tuna melts. The little sandwich maker is so great because it grills your little sandwich and seals the edges around it like you have a little sandwich pocket. Oooh. The kids will think this is so fun tomorrow! Well, they won't think the tuna is fun. But the other part -- the part where we grill their little sandwiches shut. They will love that. It might be a highlight of Summer vacation for them. I'm so glad I remembered the sandwich maker!

Except that it has gotten me way waaaay off track. I have no idea what I was even talking about. Hmmmm. OH! That's right. How I don't trust myself to order something off of an infomercial. That is partly just because I am always very afraid of doing anything that is new and unfamiliar to me. Picture, if you will, a man taken from some hitherto undiscovered jungle tribe and shown his reflection in a mirror -- or maybe his image taken on a digital camera. The kind of shock and horror he would feel is kind of the panic and horror that possesses me when called upon to do something new -- no matter how simple and safe it may be. (And I know they do feel shocked and terrified because I saw a documentary of just such an occurrence years ago and those tribesmen truly were jumping back in panic from that small mirror). BUT also because once, all my girls wanted to get was the "InStyler" hair straightener from an infomercial. I wasn't going to dare, but it said it was only 14.99 and I thought of how fondly Mike recalled their childhood purchase of the sandwich maker (it might be called the Snack Master), and I decided I'd do it. Luckily, I looked online at the small print first and realized that the 14.99 was not the final price -- it was the price you paid along with three easy payments of 39.99! WHAT? Yipes. Luckily, Mike, bless his heart, found some poor teenager who had bought it as a gift for his girlfriend (And I'll have you know that no son of mine will be buying an InStyler for his high school sweat heart . . . not while he lives under my roof anyway). Apparently the gift wasn't properly received so he sadly sold it to Mike for a measly amount. Poor kid.

Anyway, I have no idea what I'm talking about again. How is it possible to get so off track? It might have something to do with the fact that it is 11:30 pm. I am up typing this because my husband has flown far far away (a 2 hr. time difference away) for work, and I still haven't heard from him. And being as I always start fearing dreadful things when Mike isn't easily contacted, there is little chance of me sleeping til I get his call and know he is safe and sound.

Anyway, I'll try and clear this up by explaining that I was at Wal-Mart one day and they had an entire little isle dedicated solely to infomercial items! I almost bought every single thing there. I reigned in the excitement however and simply bought Mike "Mister Steamy." I tried it with all our church clothes this morning and can't say I was completely sold on the product. Maybe my expectations were set too high, but I envisioned all of my girls little dresses coming out looking as if they'd just been starched and ironed to perfection. And . . . it wasn't really like that. So, well, Happy Father's Day to you, Mike, wherever you are. And, I hope I don't accidentally eat all your chocolate covered Father's Day cinnamon bears before you get back. I did tell you to take them with you.

Also, before I end, I feel that I need to make two notes.

Note 1: I would happily iron Mike's wrinkly work clothes. I have often told him to just tell me if he needs something ironed. I suppose I should just iron them all long before he needs them, but I am not the proactive ironer I once was.
hhhhhNote to Note 1: I really did used to be a horrifyingly efficient ironer. In high school and early college, I would generally choose my outfit out the night before. I would then proceed to iron it -- t-shirts, jeans and all. Now, sadly, I have several articles of clothing in my closet that haven't been worn for months simply because they need to be ironed first.

Note 2: Why do I know so much about infomercial products? I rarely watch any TV. Quibo is to blame. We don't have cable, so our kids have only ever been allowed to watch PBS cartoons. However, with the new digital box business, we also get access to Quibo -- a channel that plays safe cartoons all the live long day. Take, for example, Tales From the Book of Virtues. A large wise buffalo tells young children stories from history and the bible with lovely little morals. (Not, until I typed this, did it occur to me to wonder why a buffalo is telling these stories). Still, I have embraced Quibo for the occasional alternatives to Clifford and Curious George it has offered us. The only problem: between each cartoon they play infomercials. Even Abe, when he saw Mike's Father's Day gift said, all too knowingly, "Oh, you got Mister Steamy, huh. That's cool." And awhile ago I caught one of them telling me which acne treatment they were pretty sure was the most effective on the market (and my kids don't yet have acne). But, it is a small price to pay for the wise words and lessons they glean from that buffalo.

Whew. Enough typing already. I need to go eat a chocolate covered cinnamon bear. Oops.