Friday, July 11, 2008

Super Mad

Here are some things that are making me real super mad:

1. Watermelons. I don’t know just who is in charge here, but for goodness sake, it is the middle of the summer already and only once have I seen a watermelon priced at 25 cents per pound, and that isn’t even that great. Generally I can count on the occasional 18 cents. These watermelons are gettin’ a bit high and mighty if you ask me especially considering that I ate one (well not all of one) today that tasted and smelled strangely like a pumpkin. Of course, what do I know? Perhaps watermelon prices have always closely shadowed gas prices. Maybe that’s just what you have to pay to enjoy a watermelon these days.

2. Ants. Remember when ants were hanging out on my counter top all of the time? Remember how I knew Mike could fix that if he only would? Well, I was right. He finally would. He calked the crack along our counter top edge and the ants were never seen again. At least I thought they were never to be seen again. The thing is, they got real super mad themselves and have been months in plotting their angry little revenge. They painstakingly distributed themselves through out every possible entry way into our home, both upstairs and down, and then, after months of getting ready, they received their command (from the queen, I guess, unless there is maybe a commanding soldier ant? The ant captain?). All at once they burst upon us from every conceivable corner of our home. They are very small and unintimidating, but I can’t possibly track all their ways of entry. It is ridiculous. Do I need an exterminator? Is that safe when you are pregnant? The sad thing is, I truly had no real ill will for the little critters. In fact, just yesterday I assigned the girls the task of following one small group of crumb carrying ants until they discovered their final destination. After some time they came and proudly reported to me that they were nearly certain the ants were entering and exiting through the cracks around our fireplace. I sprayed the cracks and returned later only to feel a bit saddened by the abandoned half piece of a golden graham that three brave little ants had been so dutifully pulling with such team work. I don’t know if they’d abandoned it to save themselves or in hopes of helping their dying brethren, but see what those ants are doing to me and my emotions?! See why I’m so mad?

3. People for not buying our house. I can’t name any particular people as I have not so much as seen a person looking at our house, but it is a lovely place. Why are they so mean? Even if it isn’t the fanciest, shouldn’t the lovely spirit I have lovingly cultivated here be worth something? Think of all the effort I’ve saved them. Whoever they are, they could go some
time with no scripture reading or uplifting media in the home and still be covered. I know that the value would be decreased if anyone had been distributing drugs from our place, so why not increased by the opposite? (Whatever I’ve been doing, I’m sure it could be considered fairly close to the opposite of selling drugs). Plus, shouldn’t this be worth something?? If they would only hurry they could have some beans and tomatoes and corn and pumpkins. That is worth a bundle! And of course, it has never had any trouble with ants . . . that is if anyone should ask you.

4. Costco. Ha ha, just kidding. Costco doesn't make me mad. I don’t shop there as often as most, probably only every few months, but it’s great. Today there was Amish furniture, and there are always those churros for a dollar. Plus, my kids love to go there for the samples . . . and the sample people love when me and my cart full of 25 kids stop for their samples. Actually, Abe does not share in his sibling’s love of Costco. When pressed as to why he gets so grumpy about going there he explains that he does not like the smell of that big red thing with all the coffee and he doesn’t like walking by it. I think he finds it highly offensive that such a thing should even exist. And it insults him that we should walk him past it.

That is all for now. Doesn’t this seem like one of those tagging things? “List 4 things that make you mad.” Only it wasn’t. I created this all on my own. Maybe I should “tag” some of you anyway. I won’t though because this was all in good fun and I don’t want to be responsible for all sorts of people dredging up all sorts of real “real super mad” stuff. That would only make them and all of us feel badly. I fancy that my super mads only made us all feel soooo happy and if any of you have any of those, feel free to share.


Gayle said...

Your blogs are always so fun! I often laugh out loud when I read them. You're the world's next Erma Bombeck! Keep it up. I espcially love seeing the pictures of you and Mike and my adorable grandchildren.

jami said...

nanc-i love your "mads" ... but what's worse than paying lots for a watermelon? getting one that isn't all that good ... sorry about the ants, 25 cent/lb watermelon and your house - sending please blesses your way. :)(and as always you make me laugh too!! even when you're "venting" about all those things that make you mad :) )

Tia Juana said...

Oh how I like it when you get fiesty! I would really like to see you when you are fuming mad because you are still quite comical when you are only super mad.

So, 1. I do not notice the price of watermelon because just like the price of milk has gone up, if anyone were to ask me what I pay for milk I would not be able to tell them because it is just something that has to be bought so I just get it - same with watermelons. I must have it for my sanity sake so I don't pay attention to what I pay. That, and they do not price it by the pound here - it is a one price item so truthfully I'm probably the one paying a boatload of cash for my melon and not even knowing it and worse yet, I am paying just as much for a 7 pound as my neighbor paid for her 9 pound so now I'm super mad.

2. Ants, you need an exterminator. Sometime I will post about my eternal bug problems that follow me from house to house - always a different pesky thing and so I have just come to pay for a quarterly service so when the pest show their presence I call my nice bug guy to come and take care of it. Beats relying on the husband who is never home.

Also, I do not think that it is a queen ant or a head solider ant, I think it is a Bishop ant or a Relief Society President ant - given that they are calling the "brethren" as you say. And we all know that if that is the case, those little mormon ants are going to make your home a hive of industry. The Golden graham was just a mere morsel being sent across the seas as part of humanitarian efforts. Could be worse - they could be bees.

3. I think you have a very spiritual house and I think that when you sell a spiritual house you should be able to put it on the MLS as such. Because we all know that the house that was the former meth lab is not disclosing that....

One time a friend of mine had a house for sale in her neighborhood where someone had committed suicide and it did not sell because every person, whether they knew or not, felt a bad vibe there. So you know, maybe you should talk to your realtor about adding "Spiritual House" to its hiked up selling rap. (Not that your house has been hiked up but you know, they usually say such SPECTACULAR things about houses when truth in advertising reveals that it is just a house.) Don't worry, it will sell.
4. Costco. We do not have a costco close but so we do the ever pitiful Sams Club. But I can not diss Sam's because Rod and I have had many romantic dates there. In school we used to go there on Friday nights so we could eat out at the sample bar. So tell Abe, when he is poor, it will be a great date spot - so he should not shun it so soon.

I hope you are feeling better about things soon.

Lover of Sweets said...

Oh I have just arrived to blogging world today and I knew with all my heart, with every fiber of my being that I would not be disappointed when I dropped in on your blog. I LOVED the things that are making you mad; although not the THINGS themselves, but the clever way you put it to us all.
I wish our Costco had Amish furniture.

Perla said...

fantastic post! most enjoyable for sure, sister! i love you and the way you write and the things that are making you mad right now!

maybe on the ad for your house instead of "must see!" you should say, "must feel!" because i'm sure that your house has a wonderful feel to it and the garden boxes look magnificas!

Liz said...

You should be mad. I would be. Watermelons taste better if there are lots of bee sting marks, or so I've heard. We had so many ants when we moved into our new house they practically carried the whole house off on their tiny little backs of extreme super strength. The only thing that helped after several exterminator visits not doing a thing, was those little octagon traps. I put them right in the path of where the ants were. But, you said in the past that those didn't help so who knows. I would buy your house just for the garden. I crave to have a garden, but I am too scared of the 114 degrees ruling the area. Lastly, Costco Rocks! And don't take Abe to a candle party because they make you smell coffee beans in between each candle scent to clear your sinuses. Creepy that coffee neutralizes your smelling senses.

Nancy said...

Liz, I laughed out loud at the ants carrying off your house with their super strength. And thank you about the garden. I told Mike that that ought to do the trick (and make our house worth 30,000 more in this bad market) because when we moved here in the Fall a few years back I swear the entire reason I wanted to buy a different very small house was because it had corn and pumpkins growing in the back yard. It is fun to have a garden and this is the first time we've ever tried one. I am sad though that we will be leaving before some of the stuff starts really producing!

Oh yah, and that is weird about the coffee beans because isn't wine what taste testers use to "cleanse their palate"?

Gracie J said...

I love the variety of things that got you all steamed. Maybe if you're continually pissed off at the general public, someone will swoop in and buy that house of yours? I think that's the perfect plan. It's kind of like reverse psychology!

I'm more apt to think of a variety of things that really annoy me a lot. Surprisingly, not much gets me really "mad" anymore. I sort of miss those days!

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