I just sent the three oldest girls to the car wash with our van. It's full of the the sand and debris from months of ... summertime and needs a serious vacuuming. Still, for all that need, it might have stayed that way for months yet if it weren't that I'm experiencing a bit of that restless nesting sort of feeling that one typically gets before a birth. No birth is coming of course, but change. It's coming. I feel it the way I imagine some old sea captain might feel a storm coming in his bones. A sort of aching anxiousness that makes me fidgety. Ill content to simply sit and wait, I keep (metaphorically? literally? I don't know) getting up and pacing and checking the horizon.
The temperatures aren't any cooler, but the days are definitely getting shorter. We've paid registration fees and purchased new shoes, and, after five-plus months of us all being here together, we are about to send everyone back to school. And Daisy off to college! And we don't really know how any of it will work exactly: if we will adjust quickly and easily to all the strange new rules or find them unbearable, if Daisy will come home often or rarely, if things will shift and send us back to online schooling again or plod forward as planned.
I'm hesitant about it all coming and simultaneously eager to just step into it and find our pace (rather than stay crouched at the starting line with a stomach-full of butterflies)!
Anyway. It's coming. More and more I feel like a big wind is behind me -- pushing me along no matter how unwilling my feet might be, and I think often of those verses from the book of Ether:
"And it came to pass that the wind did never cease to blow towards the promised land while they were upon the waters. ...
"... and no monster of the sea could break them, neither whale that could mar them; and they did have light continually, whether it was above the water of under the water."
Yes. That seems to describe how I feel (but also the confidence that I have) just about right.
2 comments:
Well. You said it perfectly. But don't you fear even a LITTLE that a whale might mar you? hahaha. I do. But we press on! Also, why do the days have to get so noticeably shorter so fast?? I struggle with it. You're right though, standing around at the starting line is the hardest and worst part of any race!
Every time I see pictures of Hans lately I feel like somehow there must be another BIG brother that I've missed! Surely Baby Hansie isn't big enough to be laughing with a full set of teeth and getting summer haircuts with the older boys?
Hahah. Well. Yes. I suppose I DO fret that there’s a good chance I’ll end up at least a bit marred!
And I think the same thing every time I see pics of Teddy. Ziggy still seems close enough to baby. But all at once Teddy is just ... all grown!!!
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