Number 10

We are expecting a tenth child.

And just like that, here I am — in the baby announcing business again.

Not that I ever really left it I suppose, but I thought I had. And while it is true that I thought I had in the past as well(!), I suppose, if God is going to get you to do any truly big thing, it’s understandable that He might have to push you beyond your own “best-laid plans” . . . on more than one occasion.

And these experiences of being pushed beyond my own logic, plans and vision have, I will tell you, been incredibly overwhelming. The guidance has come unexpectedly. It has showed me powerful and beautiful things about myself, these babies, and my individual plans in God’s eternal scheme. But it has never come in such a way as to save me from having to work through fears and uncertainty or to allow me to skirt around some rather tremendous leaps of faith. Opposition has accompanied each one of these experiences (shocking in its intensity) and the business of deciphering God’s will and determining to change course has occasionally felt like wading through waste-deep sludge . . . up a mountain . . . through nearly impenetrable fog. But! These experiences have also been among my most spiritually profound. And, as I’ve learned that God cares less about me being comfortable, following the path of least resistance, or being at constant ease; and more about me accomplishing His designs for me, as I’ve learned that he actually has designs for me; I have learned better myself to care less about what is easy or simple, or even about what makes the most sense to me, and more about doing whatever it is He wants me to do.

And the result of it all? In this instance? Well, it’s an entire human soul! One who I had never, in my mortal life, imagined connecting to myself! But who will now be tied to me (and Mike and our kids) and figure significantly in all that is ahead for us throughout eternity! Forever! What could be bigger or more amazing than that? As overwhelming as this has been, as much as I may have spent three weeks crying and fasting and praying when the inspiration first came – telling God I did not have the courage to choose this – I am in complete awe really that not only did He give me the courage to choose it, but that what I just said is truly the end result of it all. This person! Eternally my child. Eternally mattering to me. I can’t get over it. Never mind that it’s a tenth child. It makes the marvel of it all the bigger to me! I’m in awe. That is the best word I can think to describe what I feel when I look down and place my hands on my expanding belly and think of the little body I am currently growing for a tenth child. Awe. Awe that this is happening. Awe that God was able to get through to me and encourage me to let this happen. Awe that I dared against what seemed walls of logic and opposition. But mostly awe that this is a real live individual. A real person. Coming to me! And in the same exact way that I came to my parents and to this earth – as a tenth child!

I have tried for weeks to type this one’s story here – the guidance and struggle and peace that lead to my determination to bring them here at a time when I am far too old, my plate is far too full, and my babies – far too demanding; but each time the words don’t fall correctly and fail to do the experience justice. I haven’t given it up yet. I hope to write it here at some point. But for now, since I am struggling to determine how, I will, instead, share one very unexpected and lovely thing:

Every baby deserves the same exclamations of joy and excitement upon the announcement of their arrival. Unfortunately, the unusualness of announcing babies coming as numbers seven, eight, nine or TEN, means that, instead, many of the comments are impolite, rude, or made with raised eyebrows and unfair assumptions. While I know that those don’t actually matter, sometimes gearing up to politely handle the inevitable is exhausting enough that I half-jokingly told Mike I was never going to announce this pregnancy at all. People could just uncomfortably wonder. Nevertheless, several weeks ago, I felt it was time to share our news. And then . . . the most marvelous thing happened.

The whole world seemed to shout for joy!

I have always been blessed with supportive family. I knew, though some of them might privately question the reasonableness of it all, that they would be accepting and full of congratulations. But this extended much further than that. In fact I don’t know that I have ever had so few slighting comments. (None. Not one so far.) And so many exclamations of pure joy, excitement and support. It’s been so forthcoming that I’ve even joked that I don’t know what on earth is going on here and wondered if I have entered the Twilight Zone. Even people I hardly know have been expressing such happiness. There have been hugs and cheers and exclamations of, “This is the BEST news ever!” and just . . . so much JOY and happiness rained on me from everyone around me – as if all within my sphere are celebrating the impending arrival of this tenth baby. It has been the most wonderful gift. And it has felt like a gift! Like God knew this was a difficult choice for me and gave me an unexpected and generous gift of . . . I don’t know . . . thinning the veil a little in the hearts of everyone around me to feel the beauty and rightness of this – and by their sensing it, further assure me of it.

On the night I was finally determining that this was the right course, How Firm a Foundation came on my playlist. The words, “I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand,” leapt into my heart. And I think this showing of love and support was one small evidence of that strengthening.

Thank you so much to all of you who have been a small part of such a beautiful and kind gift of support, encouragement, and love! I will never forget the genuine love and happiness showered on me with this announcement. 

Side note (for those curious): I will be 17 weeks on Friday. I’m due March 22nd. And . . . we won’t be finding out the gender this time! We’ve only managed to wait until birth one time before (with Jesse). Curiosity has gotten the best of us each of the other eight times; but both Mike and I felt, from the moment we found out this baby was coming, that we wanted to experience the excitement of waiting for that news right at delivery again. So . . . toss in your bets! Our kids are divided on which gender they think. I am trying hard NOT to lean towards thinking any one gender with certainty (though that’s a struggle). And Mette is adamant that it be a girl . . . and that we name it Mette (her reasoning is sound – what could be better than . . . another one of her after all?).