Summer, Deeper Things, and the Marina

Summer turned four today. And I don’t know that any of my children turning any age has ever surprised me more.

These last three babies are just somewhat lumped in my mind into one big episode. This enormous THING; where I . . . had three babies -- one after another -- when I had only planned on having one. It has been such an overwhelming and defining event (well, series of events) that I think part of me has sort of been assuming I would spend forever in this space of three babies.

But four?

Four isn’t even a toddler anymore.

I don’t know how she managed it.

I’ve been in an interesting place lately. The Lord has been showing me things and telling me things that I hadn’t expected. And because, I suppose, I’m a bit hard-hearted, those whisperings from Him have come in a way that has been rather uncomfortable for me. I’ve felt awe and gratitude and sort of shock, really: shock and amazement that He actually CAN speak to me -- that he can bear down with spiritual pressure and open my eyes and enlighten my mind about new things I need to consider and changes I need to make. It’s a beautiful, hopeful thing to feel His hand reaching out to direct and re-direct. But also, . . . I’ve felt stripped down to my very bare bones by it all as I’ve realized how closely revelation is tied to sacrifice. (Of course, I also know, and trust, that it is always tied to even greater blessings.)

It’s occurred to me again and again of late, as I’ve tried to conform my own reasoning to God’s desires for my life, that He isn’t particularly interested in logic or even in ease. But He is interested in shaping us and helping us accomplish whatever things we each came here to do. And, when I think on that, I realize that I don’t particularly care about logic or ease either. I care about becoming and doing. I care about hearing and responding to His direction. That conviction and desire is deep, and, I hope, will always override all else. However . . . the daily process – the shifts in plans, the letting go and accepting new paths – is still difficult. And wanting to do it, doesn’t make the doing easy or erase the questions and whys; and submitting certainly doesn’t suddenly, simply, get you there. One must still hitch up their skirts, put on their work gloves, and any other metaphor you can think of regarding work or climbing mountains, and deal with the practical work, mud, tears, sweat and difficulty of it all.

So, under the surface of all these bright pictures there are certainly deeper things going on. And, to be honest, I’m completely overwhelmed and exhausted. But also grateful. And feeling an intense love for God and a deep hope about the future – for all of us. And, in that sense, the deeper things behind these pictures aren’t just the overwhelming things, but the eternal and most beautiful things of all.

And, with that, a little Sunday evening stop to see the fish that are always swarming the Bear Lake marina: