Because that’s about all I can manage.
But I feel like life was sooo incredibly easy a few weeks ago . . . when nobody was a newborn.
I keep thinking back to when I had Jesse and wondering just who on earth I thought I was. You may recall that about one minute after he was born we closed on a house. A house that had been basically abandoned with clothes and junk and . . . pots of marijuana soil . . . left behind. I was carting my oldest two out to their new school – a 45 minute round trip twice a day, I was cleaning frantically every inch of this new house, I was rounding up all our stuff from several months living at my moms, and then unpacking an entire house from all our storage unit stuff. I also happened to have three small ones at home in the day, like I do now, only the oldest after my newborn was only 1 1/2. Somehow I seemed to be managing the weight and responsibility of a lifetime along with adjusting to my newborn. And I seemed to be doing it just fine. Maybe I wasn’t just fine. Maybe I was overwhelmed and stressed, but it seems like I had no problem, and now? One newborn and I can barely manage to fold the laundry or even shower.
Ah well. I guess life is supposed to feel hard sometimes. I suppose I should be trying valiantly to learn patience and empathy for others and all sorts of lessons. But I must admit that often, when life is hard, I feel like I am Saul “kicking against the pricks” – like a plow ox who, not wanting to go the way he should, pushes into the sharp goad rather than letting it push him gently where he needs to go. I feel like sometimes, instead of letting trials shape me and mold me into something better, I just cry and push against them and say, “No!! I only like EASY!!”
But, even when hard, life is also filled with good – like all these little folks who are surely more than worth any days of hardly being able to shower. These photos got cut short because I didn’t notice my camera battery was almost dead as we were walking out the door. Still, we had some fun for a minute . . . especially because there was, what appeared to be, a zombie convention going on in the parking lot. That was actually kind of . . . weird.