Thursday, April 12, 2018

Spring Break 2018

We rented a little lamb over Spring Break. That term doesn’t seem quite right. Rented? You rent a condo or a wave runner or a car, but do you rent a lamb? Hm. Perhaps there isn’t a correct term as . . . people don’t typically pay to take care of an animal for a week?

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But! We had such success with Mr. Piggles several years ago that Mike decided why not try a lamb? (And now he’s been hinting at even crazier things like future Spring Break calfs!) So he called some local(ish) sheep farmers and asked if they had any bum lambs they’d be willing to let us take for a week. (A bum lamb is one without a mother who, for one reason or another, is willing or able to feed it.)

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The little lamb we got (Lamby as we called her [which was almost as clever of us as when we had two Pygmy goats long ago which we named, with toddler-Abe’s input, . . . Brownie and Whitey]) was only two days old. Her mother had died before even cleaning her off (as they do). She was dirty and a bit sickly and had difficulty drinking her bottle.

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Of course all of this caused me to feel extra sentimental towards the creature. Poor little orphan lamb. Poor mom sheep who never got to care for her child. I knew I was imparting human traits and emotions. And yet . . . much as I don’t like animals in the house, I couldn’t bear having her sleep outside, so Mike filled a dog crate with straw for her bed. And we washed her wool all clean — more than once. And let her wander — diapered — about the house. She’d follow us around and run to greet us so exubberantly that she’d bonk into our legs and nearly fall down.

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In the end she was healthy and strong, bigger and drinking bottles like a champ. Letting her go back to the farm was difficult enough that, as a family, we knelt and said a prayer over her future life, and even I had a little cry. I hope, somehow, that putting a week’s worth of love into a the start of a little lamb’s life matters. Somehow.

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It was also Easter over Spring Break. As usual, kids dug out baskets and left them by their doors the night before, waited our command in the morning (while waiting, the girls even dressed themselves and their younger sisters in Eastery dresses), then wandered about the house — following trails of jelly beans and robin eggs — filling their baskets with hidden treats, calling out things like, “Hey, look, I see some eggs hidden over here!” to tiny siblings, and, “Who didn’t get a Cadbury egg yet? They might want to look by the high chair.” Hans was delighted when we set him loose in a trail of candy. He kept exclaiming in Hansie language. And picking a piece up and setting it down and looking at us as if he didn’t really believe we meant for him to freely eat this stuff. After that, everyone looked for the basket hidden for Mike and me (which, as usual, appeared to be full of whatever candy remained from the stuff the Easter bunny had hidden for the kids). Then everyone sat at the table — opening eggs and making trades — and eating as unhealthy a breakfast as one could possibly create.

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Easter also landed over General Conference weekend (the time, twice yearly, when our church leaders gather in the LDS conference center [along with the thousands of church members who come to listen] and broadcast their talks live all over the world so that we can listen from practically anywhere – including our own cozy living rooms in the company of diapered-lambs).

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General Conference weekends are always such a time of my family gathered close and of uplifting words and light that they are inevitably among my favorite weekends of the year, and having it fall over Easter was just the best. This conference was particularly significant for us as we sustained a new prophet (Abe was fortunate enough to be at the conference center for that). I also reminisced with the kids a little – telling them that it was just such an Easter Conference weekend as this (when I knew that Mike would likely be home from BYU and spending the weekend with his family [in the day when cell phones didn’t exist and the only number I had for him was his parents’ house number]) that I boldly called him again after our break-up four and a half months earlier.

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I should write some of my favorite talks and comments from this conference, but I feel like I was hardly able to soak it all in and am currently in the process of eagerly re-listening and re-reading as we speak. Hopefully I’ll find time to record more specific thoughts between now and our next conference. I keep thinking I want to do something regular like a “Sunday Thoughts” post focusing on some spiritual ponderings each week. But . . . as I’m averaging posting about once a month currently, perhaps I won’t commit just yet!

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At the tail-end of Spring Break (after taking Lamby back), we went up to Bear Lake just for a night. I was a bit hesitant about the worthwhileness of such a venture. All the packing to go and packing to come home (and associated cleaning) is a lot for a single night. Nevertheless, I determined to subdue my non-adventurous, practical side and we all loaded up. I wavered for awhile when, at 11:00 pm Hans, who takes at least a sleep or two to adjust to an unfamiliar bed, was still screaming and crying and unwilling to sleep. I might have even sunk to the levels of loudly grumping that I was just going to drive all the way back home with him for the night. But in the end, I somewhat rallied (likely assisted by Mike letting me sleep in til nearly 10:00 the next morning!). We packed snacks and drove down to the local park. In the rain we followed the board walk (“troll bridge” as Mette and Summer began calling it when I reminded them of The Three Billy Goats Gruff) down to the lake and explored around a bit – climbing onto a tiny floating dock that had washed up on shore, etc. Abe, Dais, and Gold goofed off by racing each other along the boardwalk with a strict rule about each foot having to land in every single plank of wood. (Abe, far ahead of the girls by the end, and assuming they had quit, finally called it good and stopped . . . only to have Goldie eventually round the corner and finish. A true turtle and hair story in action.) We then sat in the bowery, ate snacks, watched the oldest three create more contests (this time on the park’s climbing walls), and tut-tutted over toddlers going down slides soaked with rain water. After lunch at the cabin we headed back home, stopping in Logan to tromp around some of Mike’s parents’ land up there. (No child has ever been so horrendously offended by the smell of freshly spread cow manure as Mette was that day. It struck at the very core of her sense of rightness.) And we were back home early enough for me to make tacos and give kids baths.

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The End. :)

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Friday, March 9, 2018

All Is Well

I’d been praying for some time to FEEL some of the things I know. To feel them again – because I’ve felt them before. You all have too. At times. Even if you didn’t quite recognize what you were feeling (or even if your language to describe it is different from my own): that marvelous sensation when your mortal/natural self gives way a little – is pried open – and your immortal spirit can BREATHE. It can cup it’s fingers around this rough earthly mind and heart you’ve been given and whisper, “Listen!”. Truth. And you can FEEL it . . . truth and beauty and goodness and HOPE flooding through you. The connection your spirit has to God and light and all things eternal becoming, for a few moments, the perfect reality that it actually is. An open channel between heaven, Christ, all of pre-mortality . . . and your own soul. It always feels like the sky expands. And always always the message: . . . all is well. All is well.

In any case, I’d been pleading to feel it again. Because I can write it down. And I can remember it happened. But it is impossible – utterly impossible – to simply recreate the sensations, thoughts and emotions. They can’t be imagined up. They can’t be magicked into existence. They can’t be pretended. Which is part of why they are so valuable and so real to me. Because those moments . . . are the most undeniable moments of truth and clarity I ever experience. Between them is where I hang tight to that strong cord of faith – pulling myself actively along – hand over hand. Ah. I see that’s not my own analogy is it. Lehi saw it. I KNOW the things I believe. They are there in my mind. And I pull towards them, but . . . only once in awhile do I get to feel them in the way I long to. And because my mind has felt extra cluttered and clouded of late – not because of any particular challenge alone, simply because – that’s the mortal condition I suppose, I’d been asking to have another glimpse – to be able to exhale, drop the load of my daily demands, and, just for a moment, feel eternity, assurance and peace again.

It didn’t come. For weeks. And I know . . . that’s all right. That’s part of our challenge and growth here – to press forward and trust even when it can’t be felt and it’s all clouds and clutter and exhaustion. I can do that. I can hold to my God – and believe He is holding to me – even when I do not feel it at all. He can ask that faith of me. And somehow I can hold tight even when it is hard and muddled and I’m empty. Sometimes I am sadly certain that He has determined to challenge me that way for the rest of my life. I will never be allowed to have the veil part or to feel anything lofty again. And I’ll do it . . . I’ll plod along. What I have been given is enough. Even if my heart hungers and my soul aches and longs for everything beyond my mortal sensations.

But then . . . this morning . . . there it was! I was driving the kids to school, of all things. I drove a long route home. The three babies were quiet. And slowly . . . it came. God was with me. He knew my thoughts and prayers. All of everything? He was helping me with it. Everything my loved ones experience – every challenge they face and every challenge I face . . . it is all OK! We will find our way through. We will be supported. We won’t be left alone. It is all fine . . . all of it . . . ALL IS WELL. There will be SUCH rejoicing ahead. Someday every bit will be clear. All is well. All is well.

I sat in my driveway – holding to it as long as I could, praying my thanks, letting light and joy wash over me, knowing that in a moment I’d be cleaning up spilled cereal and doing laundry and stopping tantrums – that I’d be back to only holding to the truth of moments like the one I was in. Still, it was enough. It was enough. Again.

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(The above stinker has been waking me up three and four times a night lately . . . wholly unwilling to let anyone else soothe her.)

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(And that girl right up there? If I ever go anywhere, she requests to put a shoe by her bedroom door for the “shoe fairy” to leave a treat in. The other day there happened to be the same treat in our cupboard that the shoe fairy had left in her shoe the night before. Complete coincidence of course. Still I was surprised that a three-year-old would make enough connections to ask me [audaciously], “Mom, did you pretend to be the shoe fairy and put those treats in our shoes?” But if she thinks I am the shoe fairy, she clearly doesn’t trust me. When selecting a particularly darling shoe [all covered in stars] last night she asked Mike if he thought the shoe fairy would be likely to steal it – leaving her with only one star shoe -- because it was so undeniably and temptingly cute.)

And here Penny is. Because she participated in the story telling festival, she got to help out with activities at the school on Dr. Suess Day.

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And . . . a little last bit of kids messing around:

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Milestones

Little Hansie boy is just on the verge of true walking. While uninspired by our attempts to hold his little hands and force him to walk or our eager outstretched arms beckoning him to take a few steps towards us, he often lets go of the chair or table he’s been holding to when needing two hands to properly manage some toy or other (not realizing at all that he’s standing unaided). And the last day or two have found him, for convenience sake, braving the distance in steps between one piece of furniture and another.

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And that’s nine babies I’ve seen progress from rolling to scooting to crawling to walking! Nine!

Of course we can’t dust off our hands just yet. We’ve only seen seven through potty training (perhaps the “only” should be omitted there), and we are only on our second child in the progression to . . . driving. (Daisy’s birthday is next month. We will have to cram eight more hours of driving in before she can officially get her license, but we are all excitement! What a wondrous new thing this summer will be with the girls being able to go off on little adventures together! Having Abe drive has been hugely useful to me, but I imagine the changed dynamics and overall excitement generated by another licensed driver will be greater with Daisy as she will be much more likely to plan outings with her younger sisters – visits to cousins, shopping, etc.)

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In any case. That’s a lot of people to get through every milestone leading to independent adulthood! Sometimes the thought is overwhelming. I must teach everyone to read, and write their names, and pour milk without spilling, and take a shower that actually gets them clean, and tie shoes, and ride bikes, and say prayers, and read their scriptures, and do their homework, and sweep a floor properly, and mix all the ingredients to make cookies, and fill out college applications, and . . . ? Everyone? All of them? All those things??

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Of course it’s the thought that’s overwhelming. In practice . . . it just keeps happening through the day-to-day living of life.

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But I do wonder about this living . . . and where all the day-to-day business and decisions will take us. I wonder about the huge changes our family will see in the next ten years as kids leave home and babies grow up and future babies . . . come from grandbabies. I wonder about adventures and changes that we occasionally consider -- and how they would impact each kid individually. (There’s this longing in us that sometimes wants to switch things up – try new places and make changes that make no outward sense. But that longing butts up against the rather comfortable and very solid framework of . . . settled and known with their obvious benefits.)

Sigh. We shall have to let life play itself out I suppose.

In the meantime:

Jesse called to me from the basement yesterday. “Mom! Come see the Eye of Sauron I drew on the carpet!” Which is neither here not there, but one of those things you find unexpected to hear someone saying in a regular old day.

Also, I was talking to the two little girls about caterpillars recently. I asked them if they knew what a caterpillar turned into. Mette thought for a moment and then offered, “Uh. . . . A duck?”

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The other day Abe picked a library book up off the table and exclaimed, “Mr. Darcy’s Diary??? What? Did Penny check this out? Terrible. . . .” Then, after a pause to consider, he added, “Mr. Collins’ Diary on the other hand . . .”.

Smart alec. :)

And that is all.

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