The post in which we go snowshoeing with too many small kids in tow ...

Every now and then I find myself abstractly imagining life with ... fewer kids. (And it does not escape me that 40 — that scripturally symbolic number suggesting a great length of time — often full of significant  testing — is just about the number of years that will have passed between our first child arriving ... and our youngest being ready to leave home!)

It’s a moot wondering of course. Fewer kids would, I suppose, mean the unthinkable: that some specific individuals would actually be missing (rather than having them all here ... but somehow equaling less). It would mean no Mette showing me a little boy-doll the other day and saying, “This is the boy we found at Chuk-A-Rama. He told me he has no mom, so can we keep him?” (Incidentally, that’s exactly how we ended up with such a large number of children to begin with. We just kept bringing them home from Chuck-A-Rama.) It would mean no Hans rummaging through a bin of colored blocks, finding just the right ones, placing them in a ceramic bowl to make “jello” and saying, “Mom, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”, me laughing, “I don’t know -- what are you thinking?”, and him responding, “I’m just thinking nothing [mumble mumble] jello.” (Of course that was what I was thinking.) And it would mean no Anders for Mike to make a “kitty litter” school Valentine’s box with. (Complete with a stuffed animal cat and tootsie-rolls shaped to represent ... well, you can probably imagine what.) (Why? Whyyyyy?) I mean, for heaven's sake, just this morning I watched Starling flatten herself out and push with her tiny, soft bare legs in an attempt to get far enough under our bed to reach the pink slipper she'd somehow spotted. (I almost died over the utter joy of that glorious, little scene.)

So. Obviously fewer kids would never truly do.

Nevertheless, it is a fact that snowshoeing last month would have been a great deal more enjoyable sans a third or so of our children. (Bless their little souls.) 

But! The older kids had a great time. And it was fun to watch them hiking blithely along through so much snow. 

We'd gone snowshoeing during Hansie's birthday weekend up at Bear Lake. He's three now! Numbers are a funny thing with my little mob of extra-closely spaced children. In my mind they are 3, 2, and 1. But somehow the youngest of that group has moved into the age spot of the oldest. How? Shrug. I don't know. They are now 3, 4, and 5 (and there is some other little interloper on the cusp of 1). I can't make sense of one bit of it. 

To end: a few more bits of life around here with 800 billion children.

Weather: We had a Sunday a few weeks ago so warm that Penny and Starling stayed out in our hammock for a good hour or so. It turned to blizzard and below freezing temps the very next day. But it's nice get a few little hints of spring! The warm(er) day here or there, robins in our backyard, and night setting in a bit later, etc. 

Drawing: This first picture of Summer's gave me a good chuckle. "Look! I drew a mom just like you!" she said. That stern brow. That reprimanding finger. It's me! The second picture? Well. Clearly Jesse and Anders are influencing her artwork. 

Goldie spent an entire Saturday collecting food outside our local grocery store. (Luckily it was one of those slightly warmer days.)

It's rare for us all to be leaving church together (it's only half a block so we rarely drive). The girls will have choir, someone will have a meeting, someone else will have a class going long (that everyone else tires waiting for). But this Sunday we all stayed after for Jesse to be ordained a deacon in the Aaronic priesthood. (And by all of us … I mean all of us but Abe of course. I'm always aware of that empty spot in our whole.)

Just a scene as dinner was mostly finished up one evening. Seemed like the sort of thing I might forget about and kind of miss when those 40 years are passed. 

And last of all: I walked past our entry-way mirror one Sunday and was startled to realize that I matched perfectly with the small child I was holding! Which seems a lovely note to end this post on. 

Angels Among Us

Recently I spent a Sunday evening at my mom’s house (that still sounds weird -- calling it just “my mom’s house”) chatting with several of my siblings about ... I don’t know; just the gospel I guess: belief and experience, ancestors and the Lord’s hand in winding complicated and messy situations around to surprising good.

At one point in the conversation, when I expressed some of my certainty about the closeness of angels and the constant involvement of ancestors in our lives, I was surprised to encounter a bit of cautious skepticism! My total surprise was ridiculous of course. It is, after all, more than a little presumptuous and overconfident to assume that everyone's experiences ... have lead them to my conclusions! Ha! 

But! I couldn't help my surprise! I felt a little like Alma the younger when he said (speaking about some of the things he had prayed and studied about), "[this] is the thing which I have inquired diligently of the Lord to know; and this is the thing of which I do know." "Wait! Hold the phone!" I wanted to shout. "How have you guys not known this?" 

And there's that presumption again. :)

But, it's based on some pretty decent stuff! (Stuff I never did share that night [as the conversation changed course] but that I'm going to share here because, like I said, it's pretty good stuff!)

I mean we’ve got Elder Holland saying we need to talk about and bear testimony of angels more! Not less! We’ve got him telling us that they are one of God’s primary ways of “witnessing through the veil”. We’ve also got Holland talking about the anti-Christ Sherem and how telling it is that one of the three main truths he was guilty of denying was the ministry of angels. We’ve got the prophet’s wife telling us to ASK for angels to be sent to help us — assuring us it will change our lives. And the prophet himself warning the women in the last session of conference that Satan does not want us to know that we leave the temple in the charge of angels. We’ve got Joseph F. Smith telling us that when angels are sent they are from among our loved ones. And Harold B. Lee talking about how our spiritual ears and eyes sense them when our mortal guard is down. We have a thousand stories — all throughout church history and in talks. And I have many simple (but marvelous) stories throughout my own family and among my own friends, and (most significantly to me ... obviously --haha) in my own life all seeming to shout that this involvement is not only the once-in-awhile, occasional, or rare-moment type of thing! That it is a blessing and source of help God provides us constantly as we make our way through this messy mortal bit of our existence.

Once, when I was young (probably only 12) I determined that I was going to see an angel. Others had -- in scripture. Why shouldn't I? I'd just tell the Lord what I wanted. And then have a lot of faith. And wah-lah. Angel. (I'm embarrassed now at the immaturity of my young request. There was clearly much I didn't understand about how the Lord works, His purposes in showing us great things, and the important role of patience and faith in this mortal journey.) So I naively continued on -- pressing God for this "sign", praying He would send an angel for me to see. 

I did not see an angel. (And I'm not surprised.)

But something pretty amazing did happen. After sending up my little petition one night, my foolish, young self finished her prayer, flipped open her scriptures, and had perhaps her first experience of God speaking directly to her through his written word. The un-highlighted, unfamiliar words I landed on were these:

"Ye are not able to abide the presence of God now, neither the ministering of angels; wherefore continue in patience until ye are perfected. 

"Let not your minds turn back; and when ye are worthy, in mine own due time, ye shall see and know ..."

What happened was the Lord didn't just dismiss my request as the uninformed nonsense of a 12-year-old girl that it was. He cared that I was laboring away -- asking this thing. And He reached out and talked to me. His answer was pretty much "no" of course. Haha. But He explained things to my little heart. "You aren't ready. It wouldn't serve my purposes. Continue on the path you are on, and someday, likely when you are dead, you'll be ready to see and know all the marvelous things you desire. But for now, no."

What it said to me then, and even more to me now was that God loved me. He heard my prayers. He answered them! I look back now and feel so ... just touched and astounded really that He didn't just shake his head over my nonsense and dismiss my spiritually immature demands. Instead, He was tolerant. And actually explained things a bit to me. I sometimes feel, thinking back on that moment, like I am looking at one of my own little children. And I feel so much love and gratitude to God for meeting her where she was and with the understanding she had -- not with judgment or annoyance, but with generosity. "... how great his condescensions unto the children of men ..."

But here is the even more generous thing: He didn't just leave it at that! He has since woven into my life sacred experiences that others have shared, scriptures, words of apostles and prophets, insights from loved ones, dreams, and thin-veil moments of my own that have helped me to develop, over my life-time, an understanding that while He doesn't need angels (or any of us) to do His work, He uses us (and them) anyway. Because He is teaching us to become like Him. And to love and serve each other. And the best way to do that is by involving us in His work. (His work being ... us, his children, of course.)

I don't know how it all works exactly. I'm sure angels are governed by laws and rules, opportunities and assignments. I'm sure they have much they are called to do preaching and teaching in the Spirit World, but I also know they are not "too busy" to help us (as I've often heard suggested). We are a good part of the reason they are so busy. Particularly those who are bound to us by lineage and sealing ties. 

I wish I could write all my own experiences of feeling angels close. A few are a bit miraculous, but most are simple -- feeling support and encouragement, protection and eagerness to help. And some are as simple as me pleading with God for angels to be sent to help with some small thing causing me or one of my children duress. They are things that I believe everyone is experiencing (though many without realizing it). Unfortunately, treating these experiences with the appreciation and sacredness they deserve, seems to require more private settings for sharing, but I will say this: all my important growth and learning has occurred when the veil has thinned. Insight comes, truth is made more clear, the prophet's words are confirmed, scripture is understood, direction has come for courses to take in my own life or in how to teach my children. It all comes when the veil thins a bit, my "natural man" barriers are let down, and my Spirit can more easily respond to truth from the Holy Ghost. We need to be smart of course. We need to be governed by sense and wisdom. We need to be cautious not to teach as doctrine our own personal ideas; but, if we are too closed in our carefulness, we can allow mortal learning to place blockades to our recognition of how involved heaven is in our daily lives and of all the ways God is showing us His hand. We can use our mortal logic to "set up stakes and bounds to the works of the Almighty". 

My challenge to each of you is to pray to see more clearly the way God is working in your lives -- the doors He is opening, the lessons He is teaching, the connections He is forging, and how the angels who love you are being allowed to aid and bless your life. In fact, you might even pray to your Heavenly Father and request some specific help from those angels.

The End. I guess. Hahah. Just my own little attempt to, as Elder Holland encourages us, bear testimony of angels. 

Below are a few of the quotes I referred to in my post. One could argue that I have cherry picked them or taken them out of context. I don't know. Maybe I have. But it hasn't felt that way. These are some of the things that have leaped out at me in my studies -- as if the Spirit has said, "Wait! Go back! Did you catch what was just said there? Pay attention!"

Anyway, here they are:

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These first quotes are from Elder Holland’s talk “For a Wise Purpose” where he discusses the role of angels throughout the Book of Mormon and seems to suggest in our personal lives as well:

“One of the things that will become more important in our lives the longer we live is the reality of angels, their work and their ministry. I refer here not alone to the angel Moroni but also to those more personal ministering angels who are with us and around us, empowered to help us and who do exactly that (see 3 Ne. 7:18; Moro. 7:29–32, 37; D&C 107:20). ...

“Perhaps more of us could literally, or at least figuratively, behold the angels around us if we would but awaken from our stupor and hear the words God is trying to tell us. ...

“It is not insignificant to me that when Sherem, the first great anti-Christ we meet in the Book of Mormon, receives his only-too-eagerly-sought-for “sign,” he admits before death his dishonesty, confessing to the three great truths he had denied. The three truths he mentions, the three great testifiers Sherem now openly acknowledges, are “Christ, … the Holy Ghost, and the ministering of angels” (Jacob 7:17). An interesting threesome. ...

“I believe we need to speak of and believe in and bear testimony of the ministry of angels more than we sometimes do. They constitute one of God’s great methods of witnessing through the veil, and no document in all this world teaches that principle so clearly and so powerfully as does the Book of Mormon.”

Elder Holland speaks about angels quite often actually. In conference talks, BYU speeches, etc. His talk “The Ministry of Angels” is a good one. In it he says some of the following:

“From the beginning down through the dispensations, God has used angels as His emissaries in conveying love and concern for His children. ...

“Usually such beings are not seen. Sometimes they are. But seen or unseen they are always near. ... Occasionally the angelic purpose is to warn. But most often it is to comfort, to provide some form of merciful attention, guidance in difficult times. ...

“In the course of life all of us spend time in “dark and dreary” places, wildernesses, circumstances of sorrow or fear or discouragement. Our present day is filled with global distress over financial crises, energy problems, terrorist attacks, and natural calamities. These translate into individual and family concerns not only about homes in which to live and food available to eat but also about the ultimate safety and well-being of our children and the latter-day prophecies about our planet. More serious than these—and sometimes related to them—are matters of ethical, moral, and spiritual decay seen in populations large and small, at home and abroad. But I testify that angels are still sent to help us, even as they were sent to help Adam and Eve, to help the prophets, and indeed to help the Savior of the world Himself. Matthew records in his gospel that after Satan had tempted Christ in the wilderness “angels came and ministered unto him.” Even the Son of God, a God Himself, had need for heavenly comfort during His sojourn in mortality. And so such ministrations will be to the righteous until the end of time. As Mormon said to his son Moroni, who would one day be an angel:

“Has the day of miracles ceased?

“Or have angels ceased to appear unto the children of men? Or has he withheld the power of the Holy Ghost from them? Or will he, so long as time shall last, or the earth shall stand, or there shall be one man upon the face thereof to be saved?

“Behold I say unto you, Nay; for … it is by faith that angels appear and minister unto men. …

“My beloved brothers and sisters, I testify of angels, both the heavenly and the mortal kind. In doing so I am testifying that God never leaves us alone, never leaves us unaided in the challenges that we face. “[N]or will he, so long as time shall last, or the earth shall stand, or there shall be one man [or woman or child] upon the face thereof to be saved.” On occasions, global or personal, we may feel we are distanced from God, shut out from heaven, lost, alone in dark and dreary places. Often enough that distress can be of our own making, but even then the Father of us all is watching and assisting. And always there are those angels who come and go all around us, seen and unseen, known and unknown, mortal and immortal.”

And this (that I LOVE) from Wendy Watson Nelson:

The Prophet Joseph Smith declared that if we “live up to [our] privilege,” the angels will not be able to be restrained from being our associates.

Our “privilege” includes our covenants.

Our covenants are a privilege.

Therefore, as we live up to our covenants, the angels will not be able to be restrained from being our associates. We could also say it this way: As we keep our covenants, we can ask for angels to help us. Literally!

It was during Elder Jeffrey R. Holland’s April 2010 general conference address that I first learned this truth. Elder Holland was giving counsel on how to guard against temptation. The one question I most needed to have answered at that time in my life, and which I took to that general conference, was not related to that subject, but part of Elder Holland’s prescription for success was exactly what I needed to hear.

He said, “Ask for angels to help you.”

He said it with such clarity, and yet he said it in a manner that implied this was something we all knew! But for me, it was an entirely new principle.

I wanted to call out, “Wait! Wait! What? You mean I could have been asking for angels to help me all this time?”

Without intending to sound too dramatic, I can say with all candor that Elder Holland’s six words changed my life: “Ask for angels to help you.”

That counsel changed my prayers. It changed my understanding of the very real help from heaven that is always available to us as we keep our covenants. I started to ask for assistance from those on the other side of the veil from that moment on!

Now, I’m not talking about praying to fantasy angels with wings to magically fairy-dust our problems away. I’m not talking about praying to angels. I’m talking about praying to our Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, for those on the other side to be “dispatched” (Elder Holland’s word) to assist us. Perhaps a departed loved one could be sent to help you with whatever you need.

And from our prophet President Russell M. Nelson in the Women's Session of this past October conference:

Satan certainly does not want you to understand that every time you worthily serve and worship in the temple, you leave armed with God’s power and with His angels having “charge over” you.

And this familiar quote from Joseph F. Smith

“When messengers are sent to minister to the inhabitants of this earth, they are not strangers, but from the ranks of our kindred [and] friends . . . . In like manner, our fathers and mothers, brothers, sisters, and friends who have passed away from this earth, having been faithful, and worthy to enjoy these rights and privileges, may have a mission given them to visit their relatives and friends upon the earth again, bringing from the divine Presence messages of love, of warning, of reproof and instruction to those whom they had learned to love in the flesh.”

Another quotation, which comes from President George Q. Cannon:

“Now, this is the truth. We humble people, we who feel ourselves sometimes so worthless, so good-for-nothing, we are not so worthless as we think. There is not one of us but what God’s love has been expended upon. There is not one of us that He has not cared for and caressed. There is not one of us that He has not desired to save and that He has not devised means to save. There is not one of us that He has not given His angels charge concerning. We may be insignificant and contemptible in our own eyes and in the eyes of others, but the truth remains that we are children of God and that He has actually given His angels … charge concerning us, and they watch over us and have us in their keeping.” ( Gospel Truths, comp. Jerreld L. Newquist, 2 vols., Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1974, 1:2.)

I also love this from Joseph Smith about working with our dead to bring about God's purposes:

“... righteousness and truth are to sweep the earth as with a flood. And now, I ask, how righteousness and truth are going to sweep the earth as with a flood? I will answer. Men and angels are to be co-workers in bringing to pass this great work, and Zion is to be prepared, even a new Jerusalem, for the elect that are to be gathered from the four quarters of the earth.”

This from a journal entry from Joseph Smith:

May 27, 1834: “Notwithstanding our enemies were continually breathing threats of violence, we did not fear, neither did we hesitate to prosecute our journey, for God was with us, and His angels went before us, and the faith of our little band was unwavering. We know that angels were our companions, for we saw them.”

A few more: 

Joseph Smith

The spirits of the just are ... not far from us, and know and understand our thoughts, feelings, and motions, and are often pained therewith. (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p.325) 

George Albert Smith 

Think of the devotion and the faithfulness of those who day after day go into these temples and officiate for those who have passed to the other side; and know this, that those who are on the other side are just as anxious about us. They are praying for us and for our success. They are pleading, in their own way, for their descendants, for their posterity who live upon the earth ... (Conference Reports, April 1937, p. 34-35)

Harold B. Lee (I love these because that's what my experiences have felt like -- a closeness I do not feel I can deny! And thoughts and impressions that my spirit seems to recognize despite my closed mortal mind.)

It may be that when the anxieties of the passing of this day shall have gone, in the quiet loneliness of your home, in a day not too intense because of the motherhood requirements, there will come times when you will say, "My, he seemed to be so close to me. I seem to have felt his nearness." And it will be real. It will be something you can't deny. (The Teachings of the Harold B. Lee, pp. 59-60) 

If our eyes could be opened we could see those who have departed from us--a father, mother, brother, a sister, a child. We could see them, and sometimes when our physical senses are asleep, sometimes our spiritual self--and we have ears, spiritual ears, and spiritual eyes--sometimes they will be very keen and awake, and a departed one may come while we are lying asleep and come into our consciousness. We'll feel an impression. We'll wake up. Where does it come from? It comes from the spirits of those whom we are sealed to. (The Teachings of Harold B. Lee, p. 58)

Ezra Taft Benson

The Prophet Joseph taught that ofttimes those who go before, our loved ones particularly, are permitted to look down and view the activities of this world, to view the activities of their own loved ones and often are pained because of our misdeeds and our mistakes and our neglect. (Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson, p.31)

I am sure many of you know that the veil can be very thin -- that there are people over there who are pulling for us - people who have faith in us and who have great hopes for us, who are hoping and praying that we will measure up -- our loved ones (parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters, and friends) who have passed on. (Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson, p.31)

Joseph F. Smith (Bravo President Smith! Bravo, I say! 🙂)

Sometimes the Lord expands our vision from this point of view and this side of the veil, that we feel and seem to realize that we can look beyond the thin veil which separates us from that other sphere. If we can see, by the enlightening influence of the Spirit of God and through the words that have been spoken by the holy prophets of God, beyond the veil that separates us from the spirit world, surely those who have passed beyond, can see more clearly through the veil back here to us than it is possible for us to see to them from our sphere of action. I believe we move and have our being in the presence of heavenly messengers and of heavenly beings. We are not separated from them. We begin to realize more and more fully, as we become acquainted with the principles of the gospel, as they have been revealed anew in this dispensation, that we are closely related to our kindred, to our ancestors, to our friends and associates and co-laborers who have preceded us into the spirit world. We cannot forget them; we do not cease to love them; we always hold them in our hearts, in memory, and thus we are associated and united to them by ties that we cannot break, that we cannot dissolve or free ourselves from. If this is the case with us in our finite condition, surrounded by our mortal weaknesses, shortsightedness, lack of inspiration and wisdom, from time to time, how much more certain it is, and reasonable and consistent, to believe that those who have been faithful, who have gone beyond, are still engaged in the work for the salvation of the souls of men, in the opening of the prison doors to them that are bound and proclaiming liberty to the captives, who can see us better than we can see them--that they know us better than we know them. They have advanced; we are advancing; we are growing as they have grown; we are reaching the goal that they have attained unto; and therefore, I claim that we live in their presence, they see us, they are solicitous for our welfare, they love us now more than ever. For now they see the dangers that beset us; they can comprehend better than ever before, the weaknesses that are liable to mislead us into dark and forbidden paths. They see the temptations and the evils that beset us in life, and the proneness of mortal beings to yield to temptation and to wrong doing; hence their solicitude for us and their love for us and their desire for our well being must be greater than that which we feel for ourselves. (Gospel Doctrine, p.430)