Friday, February 5, 2010

A is for Apple, S is for Sherbet

I was totally duped when I bought this book. I don't know what I was thinking.
The problem with a first dictionary is that it has words like "apple," and "dirt." And it may not surprise you to hear that by the time your child is old enough to read, they generally already know what an apple is.

In my defense, I bought it with out having first flipped through it (though, I suppose the cover is rather telling). I also bought it before my first child had yet learned much of anything. I purchased it in glorious anticipation of the day when he would flip through its pages to satisfy his curious little mind.

How was I to know that it would only be a disappointment if, at age five or six, my son would need to ask, "Mother dear, what on earth is a flower?" And then what? Rather than taking him outside to show him one -- to cure his ignorant state by giving him firsthand knowledge, I would say, "What planet are you from kid? Go look it up in your dictionary why don't you?"

I have almost been just as duped into buying those DVD's you see advertised that have your 14 month old reading Charlotte's Web out loud to you with out so much as a single mispronounced word. It is every mother's dream -- not only do you get to let your child sit there staring at the TV all day long, but they learn to read on a 4th grade level in the process.

I haven't actually given up on those . . . if any of you have purchased them and can verify the truth of their hefty promises, please let me know.

On another, and completely unrelated note: My favorite ice cream no longer exists. My other favorite ice cream, that is. My first favorite was Snelgrove's Rocky Road. They drifted off the planet because "the rising generation did not identify with the brand from their parents' generation." (That may not have been the exact wording -- Mike is always telling me I'm not allowed to use quotation marks all willy nilly -- that I must be sure I am truly quoting. Of course I say, "Bah" to that, but I figured I would take a moment here to clear myself of any and all future quotation mark abuse).

Anyway, all that was left for me to love was Dreyer's Sherbet Swiss Orange, so, when recent circumstances were such that I couldn't find my Swiss Orange anywhere for several weeks, I decided I would be the victim of circumstance no longer. I took the bull by the horns so to speak and actually emailed my plea for help to Dreyer's headquarters (or at least to a Dreyer's customer service representative). After a day or two of anxious waiting and nail biting, I received my reply. They had discontinued the product based on low national sales. The customer service representative expressed her understanding of how frustrating it can be to "search for, but fail to find, your favorite dessert treats," (those quote marks are entirely legit) and tried to give me hope (false hope I am sure) that if enough inquiries are made in regards to the product it might possibly be "reinstated" at a later date. Bah! What's wrong with the people in this country? (I say that because the only alternative question would be "what's wrong with me?" and heaven forbid. Heaven forbid, I say). I must be upset though. I had been having visions of Dreyers showing up at my door, apologizing fiercely for any strain the temporary unavailability might have caused me, with several cases of the stuff. I must be searching for a way to fill the void because today I bought a Razzleberry Pie at the store. Whaaat? I know. I know.
Anywho, if time were permitting, I would now tell you about how I bought some scrambled egg microwaveable patties the other day (totally against both my will AND my better judgement) because I was pressured to do so by a kind elderly lady at the grocery store, but there is no time for that. The time it has taken me to accomplish what has been typed thus far has been at the high cost of having every cupboard in my house ransacked by Jesse. Constant vigilance. Farewell.


jocelyn said...

now i am also an orange sherbet lover and i'm wondering if this is the dreyer's orange sherbet with the pieces of chocolate in it? if so i will also contact them. then maybe, just maybe, with two requests they will reinstate it?

the microwavable scrambled egg patties scare me.

Kimberly said...

Nancy, I pretty much never leave comments on blogs. I'm one of those lurkers who enjoys reading but doesn't leave well-deserved positive feedback. But this entry gave me such big belly laughs, even on a second reading, that I had to say a quick word of thanks.

Krista said...

I hate it when they discontinue good stuff! Ice cream and lipstick colors are the worst! I'm wondering how some one could talk you into buying egg patties.

Mike said...

Jocelyn! Yes, it is thee very ice cream. Please, exert your influence with Dreyers.

P.S. The egg patties are scary.

Nancy said...

Oops. Mike was not Mike. Mike was me forgetting to sign him out. For the record, he doesn't think the loss of Swiss Orange Sherbet warrants the loss of even one small tear.

Perla said...

what a good laughy post. you willy nilly silly old bear. jason bought be farr's rockyroad from the store the other day. it was terrible it had like 3 slivers of almonds and 2 marshmallows. terrible. sorry about the orange stuff. oh, and thanks for that pic of jesse. i'm surprised you were able to buy him that shirt because i found those at old navy on sale for 98.5 cents each (having previously been marked for $1.97) and i bought 30 of them for chareyl to take to haiti so that she could have a lot of kids wearing matching shirts when they came home from haiti, and sure enough, there is the cutest pic of all these little toddlers and babies wearing that same exact tshirt...but i should have had her give them to the kids staying in haiti instead of the ones coming home because they just wore them for one day then their parents got them and probably threw that tshirt away or something. or maybe they are framing it for safe keeping to always remember what their child wore home from haiti. i know i have the girly little outfit they sent andre home in. okay, anyway, thanks for the free entertainment.
by the way, i hope somebody tells us about those videos that make your baby read. cuz they're pretty tempting.

Anonymous said...

Constant Vigilance--that is my motto, too. :) I am so sorry about the terrible disappointment of the "First Dictionary." But you can at least know that some good has come of your sufferings, now that you have been able to save the rest of us from making that same mistake! Love you!

Karen said...

Someday, I must hear the story of how you were duped into buying scrambled egg microwaveable patties. Then I will need to know if your were successful in getting anyone to eat them.

Rocky Road is a favorite of mine too. I am a huge fan of Breyers All Natural, Rocky Road. I would cry buckets if they ever discontinued it.

Jana said...

One time my adulty niece came to visit me and we were at the store and she said "oh oh oh" when she said the belovedness of some orange sherbet with chocolate pieces in it, so I bought the stuff because I am a HUGE fan of orange and chocolate. But. Nancy. IT WAS DISGUSTING!!! IT WAS TERRIBLE! I did not so much mind the sherbet but I hated that the chocolate was noting more than those little baby bricks of chocolate. Perhaps if is was a softer ribbon of chocolate, it would have melted on my tongue, blending itself with the subtlety of the orange and been a true, blissfull delight. But not. It was was gross. And after she left it sat in my freezer for about 6 months because I kept thinking "surely this isn't as bad as I think" but then I would taste it and the badness would eek out at me all over again. So, it does not surprise me that this has gone off the market.

And, I must tell you this. Our very good friends who just moved here last summer moved here from Denver where he was some hot shot big wig at Dreyers. Now, he is no longer with the company so I have no pull for you BUT, I will have to ask him if his departure had anything to do with the decision to pull Swiss-a-yucky Orange Sherbet off the market. I will ask.

But then again, perhaps I won't. Because I seem to have a bad habit of telling people that I will email them some big old bunch of newsy news and then fail to do so when life brings something better along. It must be because I have such a tiny heart. Note: not heartless. Anywho, sorry for not following through on what I said I would do but you should knnow that my life got suddenly full of excitement and I am so myself with glee because my husband is taking me on a trip to New York and I can't see straight for trying to get a clear picture of what I want to do when I get there.

ET has been in a fetal position under the kitchen table sobbing away at the fact that I am leaving her for 5 days. It might have been because I said "I am so excited I might not miss you" which sounds so harsh and I didn't really mean it but in my crazy excitement I just wasn't thinking straight and I'm now in a position of having to give so many damage control hugs to her that I think I am going to scream.

Consider this your email. Yes, you have been duped again.

jami v. said...

i'm with shannon -- you CRACK ME UP! i know i shouldn't laugh at your pain in being without your favorite ice cream, and it's SUCH a bummer when stuff like that happens but you do, you crack me up. :)

and mostly i'm sorry you were duped into buying egg patties by a cute little grandma. no wonder they hire them, huh?? :)

Anonymous said...

I believe you are mistaken... S is for Sara. Not sherbert... lol DUH!

Mugsy said...

BUt was the first favorite ice cream playdough?

Ogden High said...

Now Nancy, you could be like my husband.

He was so disgusted that Breyers changed their formula from "all natural" (meaning, he assumed, things you could find at the market and then make the ice cream yourself) to "all natural" (meaning, ice cream with natural gums added).

Well needless to say, after many emails and discussion about whether gums are natural, Dave decided to make the ice cream himself. He even melts and hand cuts his own chocolate chips.

My boys will no longer eat anything besides "Dad's mint chocolate chip ice cream". That's it and now he is researching the next step of purchasing a bigger motor for better mixing.

Watch out because, "Dave's Best Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream and Nothing Else Store" is coming to a strip mall near you!

He was also disgusted that at one point Hostess no longer wrapped Ding Dongs in foil wrappers but in plastic...we got a free box of Ding Dongs out of that but they were not foil wrapped. I am thinking that I have a husband with too much time on his hands.

Sarah said...

I've certainly had that thought about the dictionary. A few times I've put it in the the DI pile only to pull it back out, feeling bad about giving away such a nice, seemingly practical book. (It was also a gift--so there was a little guilt.) But really, we've never used it! Thanks for the laugh.

Salty Incisor said...

Jesse is the first of your brood that I would actually call your twin kid!! He looks exact replica!!f Myabe its just the picture but wow I havent checked in recently enough to have figured that out! forgive me! call me about cameras its easier to talk than type about stuff like that and I left my phone number on fb. Love T

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